31 Movies of Halloween: Day 31

Day 31 - Alien


This is it, ladies and gents. The final film of my 31 Movies of Halloween. And it is a doozy.

That was a spicy meat-a-ball.

Alien is the single greatest horror movie of all time. It terrified me the first time I saw it. It terrified me the twenty-first time I saw it. Seriously. I'm scared by this movie every time I watch it, and I know everything that is going to happen, and when it will happen. 

Nightmare's have nightmares of this.

I don't just mean that I'm scared when I watch this at night with the lights off, which is absolutely terrifying. This movie scares me when I watch it on a sunny day, at noon, with the lights on. That scary.

Never gonna stop showing this visual.

The genius of the movie is that the alien (or xenomoph) is rarely seen. And when it is, the scenes are quick and vicious. You never know when (or if) you'll see it, and the claustrophobia of the ship makes the viewer feel what the characters feel. This is the film that made Ridley Scott Ridley Scott.

H.R. Geiger is a haunted man...

I'm not going to go over the movie's plot. You should have seen this movie already. If you haven't, I don't want to ruin it, because you have to see this movie. It is amazing. This could easily be my favorite movie, but I have to take points off because it frightens me too much to have it be my favorite. Wrap your minds around that.

And Sigourney Weaver looked damn fine in it. Lecherousssssssssssss.

Best Part:
If you couldn't tell by now, the best part of the film is the sheer terror and grossness of the chest bursting scene. Oh, if you haven't seen the movie yet, there's a chest bursting scene...so, spoiler alert. But anyway, the crew is just having a nice dinner, joking around, being a crew and all. When all of the sudden, John Hurt has chest pains. Then there is a form pressing up from under his shirt. There's screaming and OHMYGOD! Blood splatters everywhere, and an alien baby bursts through John Hurt's chest. This is John Hurt, people, not some random Red Shirt or extra. John. Hurt. What the Hell!? So freaking awesome.

And now you'll never want to eat cake again.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 30

Day 30 - Jurassic Park

This isn't ominous or anything...

Jurassic Park is probably my favorite movie. Well, Jurassic Park and Ghostbusters. Well, Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters, and Serenity. I remember seeing this as a young boy in theaters, or, rather, I remember seeing up until right after the Dilophosaurus scene before leaving the theater in utter terror.

It wasn't until years later that I found out this scary bastard is a bucket of lies!

You know the story: Billionaire with nothing better to do has his scientists clone dinosaurs so that he can open up a theme park. Shit hits the fan, to nobody's surprise. It ends horribly for a good number of the characters. Here's a hint: if you hatch velociraptors, kill them before it's too late. They're inherently evil.

Also a bucket of lies. You really should look like a turkey.

The movie is awesome, and even though everything that can, does happen, it isn't all bad. Jeff Goldblum makes hilarious one-liners, Sam Neil frightens children for no reason, and they have sweet vehicles at the park.

If anybody can get their hands on a Jeep like this, I will gladly accept it as a gift.

It's pretty much the perfect amalgamation of Spielberg, Michael Chrichton, Dinosaurs, Goldblum, and Science.

Science!

Best Part:
The T-Rex. He/She/It is a beast. Literally and figuratively.

Rawr!

I mean, look at it. It. is. Glorious. There is only one way it could have been better.

This could make anything better. Anything.

Oh, silly me. I guess there is one other way that the T-Rex could be better...

It could have been T.Rex.

That would have been so ace.

Girl, I guess Malcolm's just a jeepster for your love...

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 29

Day 29 - The Seventh Seal


"And when the Lamb had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in Heaven about the space of half an hour" (Revelation 8:1). This is the quote of scripture that bookends the film. It sets the mood of the film right away.

Ah, Sweden, full of Crusaders, Death, and Aryans.

Flat out, this is the classiest movie I have watched for this experiment. It is also not a horror movie in any sense, though it deals with the character of Death, aka the Grim Reaper, so it counts as an appropriate film. Also, the Grim Reaper? Not terribly Grim in this one.

Welllllllll, kinda Grim.

Without going into too much detail, the film revolves around a knight freshly returned from the Crusades to his home country of Sweden. The Dark Ages being what it is, the country is filthy with the Black Death, and while the knight hoped to be rid of death since leaving the battle, he finds that it has actually beaten him home. Not only that, but Death, himself, greets the knight upon his return. They converse, as peers would, in which Death states that the knight isn't the first to beg for his life. The knight accepts death, but challenges Death to a wager: a game of chess for his life. If the knight wins, he lives; loses, and he belongs to Death. Death, interested in the wager, accepts.

It's not that he's out of your league, buddy. It's just that's he's been playing literally forever.

The game is played intermittently during the knights journey home. Will he be able to conquer Death? Will he be able to finally do something meaningful with his life? Or is it all for naught? Listen people: there is a reason that this is an internationally revered film. Watch it.


Best Part:
Like I said, this movie is amazing. There are so many parts that are phenomenal, so it is quite difficult to pick one. That being said, I must say that the best part of the film is how it has endured the test of time. It's consistently on lists of the most influential films of all time. It has be parodied and celebrated in numerous other films, as well as other mediums.

Also, Death knows Bill & Ted, so that's pretty cool.

And Now for Something Not Terribly Different...

Just read this at Complex.com. Pretty awesome read, that's not terribly different than what I'm doing. Except I started this first. Hmm...*


*Note: I'm not saying that Complex read my blog & stole my idea. Nobody reads this blog.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 28

Day 28 - Troll 2


Oh. Yes.

Best scene ever.

Troll 2 is not the alleged sequel to the movie Troll. I say this because, yes, according to the movie studio, it's supposed to be a sequel, it has nothing to do with Troll. There aren't any trolls in Troll 2. Just goblins.

Not Trolls.

The goblins try to turn people into human-plant hybrids (as that is there favorite food). That is the point of the movie. Eating the goblin food also makes you bleed chlorophyl from the hairline, apparently. I am not making this up.

Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards! Whomp whomp.

The main character's dead grandpa keeps appearing to him, warning him to get out of Nilbog and other such nuggets of wisdom. Also. he looks like a pederast.

Warn the goblins? F that. Warn Chris Hansen.

I'm not going to say that you shouldn't watch it. But, be warned: it is a particular brand of awful. And awful it is.

Best Part:

When tasked with finding a way to stop his family from eating the goblin food, the little kid chooses this:

It's exactly what it looks like.

He pees all over the food and table. Mission: Accomplished.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 27

Day 27 - I Drink Your Blood


Ridic. Ri. Dic.

Ridic.

So, this movie is based on the Manson Family. Satanic Hippies wondering around, causing mayhem and trouble. Until they mess with the wrong people, and a kid injects their meat pies with rabies-infected blood. Then they go on a rampage throughout the valley. No seriously.

Naughty, naughty.

It ends poorly for most involved. I'm going to leave it at that. If you're down for a Grindhouse-ian gem, then this is it. Fun fact: this was the first movie to get an X-rating, not for nudity, but for violence.


Best Part:
The casting of this guy:

You look like Lester from Chuck.

This is the main Satanist. The Uncle Charlie for this Family. Clearly, he looks like an injun. I think he is supposed to be in injun. He is played by, what I believe, is an Indian. As in, hails from India type Indian. Hilarious. Also, he's not a good actor.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 26

Day 26 - Saw VI


Saw VI was decent, if you are into the whole "torture porn" style gore movie. Because that's what it is: a gore movie, not a horror movie. There is absolutely nothing scary about it. You don't jump. You don't scream in terror from these movies. You get queasy. A movie that makes you sick isn't scary. It isn't horror. It's a gorefest. Want to see something scary? Go to a retirement home.

It's all highballs and cocaine at those places...

I mean, I didn't hate it, but I just have never been a real big fan of those movies. This is just the next chapter in a series of films that could have ended, nicely I might add, after the first one. I realize I'm writing this a few days before the (alleged) final entry is released in theaters, and this is not a disparaging blog in hopes to use reverse psychology into getting you (2) people who read this into seeing it. I've paid to see two of these movies. And only while I was in a large group of people that wanted to see them.

This is how I feel every time I watch one of these.

I really don't have anything else to write about this movie. Listen, if you are somebody who watches these movies, you've already seen it. If you aren't, then you won't care about what the Hell I'm writing. I leave you with this:

I will haunt. Your. Soul.

Best Part:
Like I said, not a big fan of any of these movies, but the Shotgun Carousel was kind of awesome.

Shotgun Carousel: It's exactly what it sounds like.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 25

Day 25 - The Beast with a Million Eyes


This, let's say gem, is from 1955. Now, sometimes these old creature features are awesome (See Them). Sometimes, they are like The Beast with a Million Eyes. Which was terrible. Going into it, I wasn't expecting anything mind blowing. But I was hoping for something mildly decent. I was wrong.

Tragically wrong.

It's about an alien that crashes on Earth and starts taking people and animals over (thus the million eyes thingy). He uses the creatures he controls to attack people. Yeah, it sucks worse than it sounds. And it sounds horrible.

Luckily, the other Darrin is there.

The movie is like 75-80 minutes long. DO NOT SPEND 75-80 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE WATCHING THIS MOVIE! It feels like you're in a time warp that is sucking the life and, more importantly, the fun out of you.


Best Part:
I should say none. I really, really should, but I have to go with the film's poster.

But it looks SO good...

Look at that. That poster screams "awesome movie." It's frightening. It's kind of sexy. It's a tremendous let down. Because after you see this, it all goes downhill from there.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 24

Day 24 - Bubba Ho-Tep

Why aren't you already watching this?

Bubba Ho-Tep has literally everything: Mummies. Bruce Campbell. Ossie Davis. Old Elvis. Black JFK.

BLACK JFK!!!

Elvis is still alive. JFK was given radical surgery, becoming a black man. They are now living out the rest of their days in a Hellhole of a retirement home in West Texas, where nobody believes either man is who they say they are. These two American heroes are forced to team up to stop an ancient mummy that is stealing the life force of the residents in their retirement home. Once more: THEY ARE FORCED TO TEAM UP TO STOP AN ANCIENT MUMMY!

He'll take the Italian, aged 86 years. 1924...a lovely vintage.

It sounds ridiculous. It is ridiculous. More importantly, it is just an amazing movie. Seriously. No joke. It's a fantastic movie with an original, engrossing story, not to mention characters that you actually want to know more about.

Riggs & Murtaugh circa 2020.

Best Part:
Part? Best Part? There is no best part. The entire movie is fantastic. Great casting. Great story. Great fun. See this movie.

Hail to the King, baby.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 23

Day 23 - The Return of the Living Dead


This movie was awesome. Once again, not a "good" movie, but it was awesome. Technically, it's a sequel to Night of the Living Dead. Long story short, George Romero and John Russo created NotLD, but then, due to Romero & Russo parting ways, they each created their own series continuing the story. Romero has been making the "...of the Dead" movies, while Russo wrote a script (and later novel) entitled The Return of the Living Dead. The resulting film bared little resemblance to Russo's original story, but it created a number of squeakuels. Russo would later re-edit NotLD and Executive Produce the horrible Children of the Living Dead, creating his own "canon" series.

Sooooooo confusing. And I'm fairly certain Shaun of the Dead isn't any kind of sequel.

The film opens with a disclaimer that everything that happens in the film is real. Clearly, it's not, but what the hey. The film opens on a teenager...I guess...maybe he's in his 20's, starting his first day at a warehouse used to stock science experiments or something. Eventually, he & his coworker go down to the basement and accidently release Trioxin, the chemical that reanimates dead tissue. They both suck down a bunch of the stuff.

At the same time, the kid's friends and girlfriend drive up to the warehouse. Not wanting to wait in the car for him, they decide to party in the conveniently placed cemetery next door. 


I just want to point out now that the guy's girlfriend seems extremely straight-laced, while his friends are all punks and metalheads. It seems odd to me. That's all.


Eventually, the Trioxin gets mixed with rain and causes the dead to rise. Everybody starts dying left and right. There's also a long, drawn out striptease that you probably have seen before but didn't know where it was from.

And he was there, eventually.

Let me just say that it ends bad for all participating.


Best Part:
Now, the zombies can run, open doors, have rational thought, and can talk. They also seek only to eat brains. Or, at least, mostly just brains. The film is a bit screwball, and I think it comes to a head when the zombies use the EMS and police radios to "order" more food, just like they were calling pizza.

"Yeah, can I have two cops and a firefighter? And make sure the firefighter comes with extra pickles."

The movie is definitely wacky, and zombie fans either love it or hate it, but I thought it was an interesting watch.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 22

Day 22 - The Devil's Backbone (El espinazo del diablo)


I love Guillermo del Toro. He may be the most consistently amazing director today. Though his movies are usually based in the supernatural, rarely do they feel the same. This was my first time watching The Devil's Backbone, and it was amazing.

This is what "pants-sh*tting-terror" looks like.

It's a ghost story, plain and simple. I mean, it's far more complicated than that, but still. Ghosts. We haven't done ghosts yet this month, so, you know...win. As with del Toro's later film, Pan's Labyrinth, it takes place during the Spanish Civil War, so that only heightens the fear.

With bombs!

The film doesn't feel like a horror movie, and the supernatural elements just add to the story and heighten the suspense. I highly recommend seeing it if you haven't already. It has subtitles, so be warned, but don't let it turn you off. It doesn't even feel like the mild inconvenience that it is. It's an amazing story with great characters. Del Toro shows off different aspects of each character's personality.

This guy? He is always a dick. Spoiler alert.

Best Part:
The ghosts. They've had a bad wrap for years, but this film views them in a different light. It really is tremendous. I don't want to ruin anything really, so I'll just leave it at that.

Kids in horror movies? Terrifying. Ghost kids? RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

F'n Santi.

31 Movies of Halloween: Day 21

Day 21 - The Dead Next Door


What to say about the Dead Next Door? It's um...well, it's...I would have to say...hmm... Crap. The Dead Next Door is complete and utter crap.

Spectacular DVD cover, though.

I get that this film had a budget the size of a jar of pennies. I get that everybody that worked on this worked for free. I get that it was filmed on Super-8 stock, which is poor, amateur film that is usually relegated to old family home movies.


None of that is an excuse for poor writing and worse acting. Or maybe it's poor acting and worse writing.


The story tells of the aftermath of a chemical-based zombie outbreak that was birthed in Akron, Ohio.

Damn you and your zombalicious rubber.

There are government sponsored "Zombie Squads" that hunt and study zombies, looking for a cure. They run into a cult when they are looking for the notes to the original virus strain. The antidote they create make zombies with human traits that are super pissed to still be alive-ish (if they were injected pre-mortem) or exploded in an oozey mess (if already zombies). In the end, it's no good to be a human.


That's all you need to know about the movie. It was awful. And, since the film was partly financed and helped tremendously by Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell, I finally have a reason to be upset with them (I solely blame Raimi for Spiderman 3...well, Raimi and Fox).

Never thought I could get mad at this face.

Best Part:
For a crappy, low budget movie, the special effects were pretty good...I guess.

Super fake zombie head goes from this...

...to this!

Also, the fact that multiple characters were named for people heavily involved in the zombie/horror world (Campbell, Savini, Raimi, Romero, and King) was a neat homage.