Thursday, March 10, 2011

Why I Would Be the Worst Green Lantern Ever

I'm telling you Kilowog, there must be some kind of mistake...

I've written about the Green Lantern and the GLC, as well as the multiple other Corps that rely on the Emotional Spectrum for power multiple times. Here's the thing though: I know, deep in my heart, that I would never make it as a Green Lantern. If it were a real thing, I would never get a ring, and even, through some clerical error or something, if I did, it would end poorly for me and either the ring would fail me when most needed, or, more likely, I would fail it.
Just like this hunk of cannon fodder.

Now, I know you (imaginary readers) must be saying "But why? With somebody so knowledgeable about the Emotional Spectrum, you would surely be able to master the Emerald Light." Well yes, I am pretty awesome, but being knowledgeable about and being able to control the different aspects of the Emotional Spectrum are too entirely separate animals completely. As I've told somebody very close to me recently, "My willpower is for sh*t when it comes to you."
Though I can wield a mystical green flame
like you wouldn't believe.

And it's so painfully true. There is a reason that so many GLs wash out in the comic books. Mastering willpower is next to impossible. There's a reason I've been a mostly unfocused, overweight guy my whole life. And it all circles back to my willpower being sh*t. But, that doesn't mean I could never be a great Corpsman. Just, you know, not the Green Lantern type...
But I could be one step closer to the Great One.
No, not the Rock.

Without trying (yet still succeeding) to sound pretentious, I've been told that I am full of both hope and compassion, which would lend me well to be a member of either the the Blue Lantern Corps or the Indigo Tribe. I am definitely more hopeful than I am compassionate. Wellllllllllllllll, maybe as a whole, though I have a deep, extremely strong sense of compassion, but only for a select few. But my selectiveness pretty much bars me from membership to the Indigo Tribe. My overt optimism and belief that "all will be well" definitely leaves me better suited to the BLC.
My politics are my own. This is not an endorsement
of President Obama. It is, on the other hand, hilarious.

Another Corps I could possibly see myself in would be the Star Sapphires. Now, that may sound like an odd choice, but 1) induction into a Corps is rarely a choice, & B) I have my arguments as to why. While yes, as of this date, there has yet to be any males in the Star Sapphires Corps, comic Christ Geoff Johns has noted that men can become Star Sapphires, there just hasn't been one yet. I can't help but think of what the outfit might look like though. The current Star Sapphires have quite revealing outfits. But what are some possibilities for men in the SSC? Would they look a bit like the Predator, the embodiment of Love in the DCU?
I'm not really digging the helmet.
And the bondage thing is iffy, at best.

After a mostly horrifying Google image search, which I very, truly suggest you do not do, I have found a shocking amount of (once again) mostly horrifying fan made costumes. There was one I found that isn't too horrible though. I mean, it isn't great, either, but whatevs.
Real men wear pink. Does that hold true with violet?

My biggest problem is with the mask. I get it. It resembles the crown-like deal that is synonymous with the Star Sapphires. But still. Then again, if the SSC is anything like the GLC, then the bearer of the ring could change the appearance of that person's respective costume any way that person chooses. Sure we haven't seen it as of yet, but if it lends to both the GLC & the BLC, then why not the Star Sapphires too?
It looks great on Carol Ferris, but I don't think
I could pull it off. Not sure why. Just a hunch.

Basically, all I'm saying is that I'd be a wash of a Green Lantern, but I do think I'd thrive as a Blue Lantern or the first male Star Sapphire. While either one of these possibilities would be great, I'd still always want to be a GL. But, with the far inferior command of willpower...
Let me remind you what would happen.

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