I haven't written about punch-you-in-the-groin-with-awesomeness movies recently, so, on this Sheen-tastic day, I figure it's the perfect time to do so.
1. Repo Men
Buddies!
Repo Men takes place in the not terribly distant future. The world is a utopian-dystopia. Well, James, that makes no f'n sense. Well, shut up, imaginary reader. What I mean by that statement is that, in theory, the world should be a paradise. Why? Great question. There have been major advancements in prosthesises. Prosthesii? Whatever the plural of prosthesis is. In the world of Repo Men, total organ failure doesn't mean that you'll die. Heck, you can have an amazingly active life. Any ailment, there is someway to swap it out for an upgraded model. And that's where the dystopian part comes in. This is a possible future where universal healthcare (still) doesn't exist. And the general populace is still in the throes of a major economic hardship. And we all know what happens when you can't pay for something: the repo men come for it. Let's just say that it doesn't end well if you don't keep up on your payments.
Shit-Kicking Moment:
So, near the end, and without spoiling anything...hopefully, there is this knife fight. Well, it starts out with knives. It progresses. And Jude Law. Is. Awesome. The scene is backed by UNKLE's "Burn My Shadow" (with lead vocals by The Cult's Ian Astbury). Check it out on YouTube if you just can't wait to watch the movie.
It looks something like this. But, you know, more.
2. Commando
You know damn right the director had a prop tree lined up and
Arnold wouldn't have any of it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger *is* John Matrix. Formerly of the Special Forces, Matrix is happy to be living a life of solitude with his daughter. But, as things tend to go in '80's action films, his daughter is kidnapped by an ex-soldier of his that went rogue. He's now in league with a deposed dictator/warlord played by Dan Hedaya (of Clueless fame). Now, to get his daughter back, Matrix forces an off-duty flight attendant to help him. He then *spoiler alert* kills an entire island of people.
Shit-Kicking Moment:
There are so many. It could be when he firs a quad-rocket launcher. Maybe it's when he uses the broadsword that he calls a knife (which is a lot). But I'm gonna go with this:
Vintage Schwarzenegger.
3. Die Hard
John McClane says: Smoking's cool. I almost want to agree.
If you're an avid reader of this fine blog (so, you know, nobody), then you know I love Die Hard. I've already talked about how it's the greatest Christmas movie. It may very well be the greatest movie. If you haven't seen it, shame on you. Do it. Now. I'll wait. *waits for you to watch the movie* Good. How awesome was it? So. It was so awesome. Long story short, it's about a terrorist take over of a building on Christmas Eve. The ultimate goal? Money. In the Die Hard franchise, it's always about money. The Alan Rickman-led terrorist group has it all perfectly planned. Except for one thing: Bruce Willis's John McClane. And McClane is in the giving spirit of Christmas. His gifts of choice? Death.
Shit-Kicking Moment:
This whole movie is one shit-kicking moment, just like T2. There might not be any action in the scene, but there is definitely something shit-kicking going on. Example: any scene with Ellis. But for visual sake, I'll leave you with this...
We're gonna need some new FBI guys.
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