Friday, September 30, 2011

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark: The Review

See it.

I finally saw Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. It was very good, but that's what I've come to expect from things that Guillermo del Toro is involved with.
This creepshow right here.

Don't (I'm calling it Don't now. You aren't writing it. Shut up.) is a really freaky take on the goblin/fairy myth. These aren't the fairies that have wings, look like little Aryan princesses, & give you extra lives.
Though, she seems ginger here...

No way, these things are vicious, mischievous little bastards that crave sacrifice. They hunger for the taste of bones; for children's teeth. HOLY SHIT THEY ARE TOOTH FAIRIES! TEETH FAIRIES?
And really pissed off mole rats.

It's actually a remake of an old made-for-tv movie (yeah, I know, right?), but it is easily the creepiest movie that I've seen in a good long while. Part of that may be because it's centered around a young girl, and any child in a horror movie makes things scarier. I mean, have you seen The Shining? It's even scarier when the kids are British.
Just because she's American doesn't make it less creepy.

Anyways, you should totally see this movie. If you aren't a weinie who gets too scared over movies. Or, in case you are a weinie who gets too scared over movies, man up and see the movie. Or, if you're a tough guy who thinks he's too cool for scary movies, Katie Holmes is looking good in it. Or if you're a tough gal who likes the ladies, but doesn't like scary movies, Katie Holmes is looking good in it.
I was fishing for a reason to use this picture.

So, here's the review:


Movie: 4 out of 5 stars
Frightening-ness: 5 out of 5 stars
Creepiness: Supah-creepay
Look at this f'n Hipster.

Music You Should Be Listening To - Week of 9/25-10/1

This is a new segment here at the Awesome Blog. Every week (well...we shall see about that), I will be bringing you at least two songs that you should check out. One will be a recent (recent-ish) release, whilst the other will be a throwback classic (sometimes "classic" may be a bit strong). So, without further ado, let's check out some music...


Artist: Matt & Kim
Song: Daylight





This was the first song by Matt & Kim that I'd heard, and I'm guessing there's a good chance you've heard it. There's also a good chance that you'll see a lot of Matt & Kim in this feature, as all of their songs are worth checking out. "Daylight" is just a really fun, cool song, with the video to match it.




Artist: Primitive Radio Gods
Song: Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand





Now this one is definitely a change of pace from "Daylight," but I'm a product of a '90's childhood, so this song reflects that. I think it's absolutely beautiful, if not a bit sad. It makes me contemplative...


What do you guys think? Like them? Loathe them? Let me know.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark: The Pre-Review



Supah-Creepay

It’s close enough to October, so it’s time for scary movies! While I did see Contagion a couple of weeks ago, I’m not counting it towards horror season. In fact, I don’t consider it a “scary” movie, so much as a terrifying glimpse into a possible future where we’re all screwed due to the piss poor conditions that livestock are raised in.
I want so much fried chicken now...

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, besides getting me really excited about it at first because I thought they were making a celluloid version of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”, is much more of a straight-up horror movie.
This episode gave me recurring nightmares. For years.

This has been on my radar for a while, and I’m really glad that it’s still in theaters, as I got a really great recommendation for it by a really great person (you know who you are). As I try to do when it comes to the horror genre, I kept my knowledge of it limited, because the media loves to let out spoilers without warning (which I also like to do sometimes. Shut up.) & I like to, you know, be scared & surprised by movies that are supposed to scare & surprise the viewer.
Katie Holmes is in it!? GASP!

I’ll go in depth later, but now here’s the pre-review:

Movie – 4 out of 5 ghouls
Scares – 5 out of 5 unfortunately lady-like shrieks
Creepiness – Supah-Creepay

Every time I see him, I think of L.A. Confidential.

Drive: The Review

To sum it up into a neat, tidy phrase: Supah-Creepay…




As I said in my pre-review, the only thing that I really knew about the film going in was that it was supposed to be phenomenal. That’s an understatement.
BAMF

There’s a slow burn to the film, but that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable. In fact, in a movie where there aren’t any truly colorful characters, there was not a second where I was bored. Unnerved? Oh Hell yeah, but never bored.
Cranston!

Drive is the film I’ve been waiting to see for years. It’s a drama, to be sure, but it has great action scenes. It’s emotional without being sappy. The only thing that you should be warned about is that the violence comes on suddenly, it is graphic, and it is unapologetic. As you can probably tell, there isn’t enough that I can say about this film. My expectations were high, and they were far exceeded. This is THE best film of 2011. Well, until The Muppets come out. That movie is going to be cuh-razy awesome.
(Drools)

But, back on topic, I would be shocked if this film wasn’t nominated for Best Picture & Gosling wasn’t nominated for Best Actor. But the true highlight of the film was the sound. It goes from intense quiet to balls-out auditory carnage in the blink of an eye. It’s so fluid that you probably wouldn’t even realize it at first. And the soundtrack…


Wow. The music was ethereal & fantastic. It perfectly matched the film’s tone. About two minutes into it, there was a shouting in my brain, saying “I need this soundtrack. I need this soundtrack. I don’t care what the other songs are like, buy it.” It’s everything a soundtrack should be: it adds another layer to the composition of the film without distracting the person viewing it.
Though a clean shaven/non-make up Ron Perlman is always distracting.

My only complaint is the font of credits. I know, miniscule, right? But I couldn’t be over-blubbery about a film that’s supposed to be amazing to begin with, so I needed to find something to speak ill about. And it’s not that I don’t like them. It’s very Hart Foundation-y/Miami Vice, which I enjoy, but there’s only so much neon pink script on a black background that one man can take before he wants to rip his eyes out.
Albert Brooks might do it anyway.

And now, the rating (which will be shockingly serious):

Film – 5 out of 5 Stars
Soundtrack – 5 out of 5 Stars
Sense of Closure – 2 out of 5 Stars

*Please note: the lack of closure does in no way mean there will be a sequel. Please, all-powerful Science, don’t let them ruin this with a sequel.
Supah-Creepay

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Drive: The Pre-Review

I love you, Christina Hendricks.


So, I'm going to see Drive in about an hour. I'm very excited, very excited, indeed.
Yes...this is a reason why.

I've only heard really great things about this movie. What is it about? Couldn't tell you. Will I like it? Oh, heck yeah. Will I gain a newfound respect for Ryan "The Notebook" Gosling?
I dunno... He is pretty dreamy.

But anyway, here's my pre-review of Drive (I'll use "styles of gasoline" this time:


Movie: Supreme
Action: Unleaded
Christina Hendricks's Boobies: Super
But when aren't they?

Well, I'll have the actual review up sooner rather than later, so sit tight cats & kittens.
If nothing else, it has an awesome poster.

Monday, September 26, 2011

So, the WWE is Finally Creating it's Own Network...

Aww dip...


It comes as no shock to anybody who reads this that I am a fan of sports entertainment, and with the recent announcement that the WWE Network is forth coming, I had a brilliant idea. Now, obviously, most of the programming on WWETV will be from the massive tape library that WWE has accrued, the WWE Films, as well as replays of their multiple weekly shows (Raw, Smackdown, NXT, Superstars). At least, that’s what I imagine they will do. But there is a well of untapped potential here, folks.
Here, too.

Now, I work Saturday mornings, so I haven’t been able to keep abreast of what the Saturday morning cartoon situation is. What I do know is that, last time I checked, it was weak. My idea is for the WWE to capitalize on this. Air the old “Rock ‘n’ Wrestling” cartoons. They should put together clip shows of the classic Mr. Fuji (and other superstars’) vignettes from yesteryear.
Do you know how difficult it is to find a Fuji Vice picture?

More importantly, though, is that they should start making cartoons utilizing their current talent. “But what would you suggest?” I’m so glad you asked…

  1. WHERE IN TIME IS THE ROCK & SOCK CONNECTION?
They were made for this...

The Rock & his pal, “crazy” Dr. Foley, travel through time, interacting with historical figures in their travels. R&S can be the mentors of a group of students, and their travels are brought on by one of the children asking about the past, in which case Dr. Foley brings the group into the past in his homemade time machine. Episodes could be bookended by live action vignettes of The Rock & Mick Foley, ala The Super Mario Bros. Supershow. *THERE IS ALMOST NOTHING MORE IN THIS WORLD THAT I WANT THAN THIS.*

  1. LUCHA LIBRE DETECTIVES
Estamos en el caso.

Mysterio & Sin Cara, with their (talking) pet Chihuahua, Tito, form a detective agency, constantly foiling the schemes that overarching antagonists Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez come up with. I’m thinking this show can be like a hybrid of Scooby-Doo & Dora the Explorer. It should play up the campy, zany fun, yet still be moderately educational by helping children learn Spanish.

  1. THE BIG ADVENTURES OF THE LIL’ SHOW
Sure, he's supposed to be a kid, but you'll have to keep the goatee.

Before he was Big, the Lil’ Show had to deal with bullies, book reports, and other elementary school nightmares. This cartoon could have a revolving cast of supporting characters, with the Lil’ Show’s major antagonists being the school bully (Jackie Swagger), his teacher (Mr. Laurenitis), & Principal McMahon. This would be in the same realm as Recess, Doug, Rocket Power, and even Rugrats.

  1. WWE HIGH
He already wears the football jerseys...

All of the normal high school tropes are filled in this one. John Cena is the Universally Beloved Football Captain. Kane is the Goth kid. Daniel Bryan & AJ are the “nerds.” The Miz & Maryse can be the Prom King & Queen who (try to) rule the school. CM Punk is the Outcast. Look out for mean old Vice Principal Helmsley! The potential is endless. If anybody gets future endeavored, they can be written out as having moved. I’m thinking this can be mildly absurdist, much like Clone High or even Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends.

  1. WWE MYTHS & LEGENDS (alternatively WWE LEGENDS OF MYTH)
So. Many. Options.

In this cartoon, the WWE Legends contracts get put to use. In Myths & Legends, WWE Legends fill the roles of characters in different myths. Booker T would play the part of King Arthur. Dusty Rhodes would be Paecos Bill. Jerry Lawler could be King Midas. Tony Atlas as John Henry. Trish Stratus can be Joan of Arc. Kevin Nash would be an excellent Paul Bunyan. Bret Hart would be somebody Canadian (are there Canadian Myths?). That’s just for starters. With the amount of Legends under contract, the sky’s the limit. This cartoon could be played as educational, or action packed.

And that’s just to start with. As for other original programming, bring Zack Ryder’s Z! True Long Island Story to the moderately bigger-than-a-computer-(probably) screen. Give Santino his own Three’s Company-like sitcom, or, alternatively, a late night talk show. Mean Geene & the Fink can do a Larry King-esque show. A rotating crop of Superstars & Divas can host workouts that are compiled together & aired in the waking hours. Better yet, Beth Phoenix & Natalya can host (and alternate exercises) for a workout show called Pinup Strong Bootcamp. Hell, give Steve Austin his own hunting show. Or pair him up with Shawn Michaels for a buddy cop show. William Regal could host a Masterpiece Theater-type show. The Divas could do a View-like talk show, or even a fashion-based show. Cooking with Khali! Like that wouldn’t put butts in the seats.
WooWooWoo = Ratings!

There are so many great talents working for the WWE, as well as Legends, that there is no reason that ideas like the ones above don’t come to fruition. Understandably, with the road schedule being like it is, as well as many Superstars, Divas, & Legends working on other projects, it can be difficult. But that’s the beauty of the cartoon. The actual person doesn’t need to provide the character’s voice. There are many great voice actors out there, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find people who sound close. I hope somebody at WWE Corporate stumbles upon this, and more importantly, uses some of the ideas. Not that it’s at all likely. But, just in case, all original ideas are my intellectual properties. Please do not blatantly steal from me. I would gladly work for the WWE. It’d fulfill a childhood dream of mine. You know, just saying.
If I have to...

Monday, September 19, 2011

Review: CREATURE


No really, it came out in theaters.

Holy sh*t! Creature is amazing!
This guys in it.

Let me restate that: Creature is a terrible movie, as a movie, but an awesome movie as entertainment. This is exactly the kind of movie that you expect to see released straight to DVD/streaming or premiering on a Saturday night on SyFy. And there, dear readers, is where the amazing happens.
Though sometimes it was less amazing & a bit more rape-y.

Creature is the type of film that (barring the excessive, grotesque violence & rampant nudity) you would expect to see at a midnight drive-in theater. It’s a novel, unapologetic creature feature that harkens back to yesteryear. And. It. Is. Awesome.
AWESOME!!!

Now, this, to be sure, is not a movie made for everybody. If you couldn’t tell by the title (Creature), the synopsis (a group of friends make a wrong turn in the swamp and are hunted by something), or the R rating & warnings that go with it (bloody violence & grisly images, some sexual content, graphic nudity, language and brief drug use), I think the pre-Title Card nudity/gore combo will definitely let you know that Creature is a very particular kind of movie. Plus, the term “…and Sid Haig” is included when talking about the film’s stars, so that should be a warning.
Metal as Hell.

Now, I think that the only thing that this film was missing was 3D. I know. It’s crazy. I’m actually advocating for a movie to be in 3D, the worst gimmick to hit Hollywood (again) since Nic Cage. But if they’re going to give a turd like Shark Night (even though it doesn’t seem to take place at night…and don’t worry, my review of that will be coming sooner rather than later) the 3D treatment, they certainly could have given this slasher/gorefest the same. Who doesn’t love the artificial belief that blood is getting sprayed all over you? Commies. That’s who.
Truth.

Movie – 3 out of 5 mauled tourists
Gore – 5 out of 5 severed limbs
Awesomeness – 7 out of 5 creepily laughing Sid Haigs
This. But 7 of them.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Gazing to the Future: NYCC 2011

With more-or-less one month to go until this year’s New York Comic Con, anticipation is building. Tickets are bought. Panels are being investigated. Apps have been downloaded. As fun as last year was, I felt that it wasn’t nearly as productive as my first time. Granted, I did get to meet Bruce “Don’t call me Ash” Campbell, as well as have a chance encounter with the lovely Nicki Clyne, but I didn’t go into one panel.
Suck. It. Nerds.

I was able to get into a couple my first year, including one with a Q&A with the director of Wanted (along with an extended preview of the awesome supermarket shootout/car chase). More importantly, I was mere yards away from Guilermo del Toro, Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, and a whole ton of monsters promoting Hellboy 2.
I'm not sure who's creepier.

This year, I’m making a concerted effort to make it into more panels, enjoy more previews of upcoming games/movies/shows, and just generally do more than walk around & peruse the many talented artists & writers they have in the alleys. Also: meet Felicia Day.
And soon, there shall be a new "Suck it nerds" picture.

This will be covered again in a post-show report in a month. It’s very exciting.
Also, hey nerds, suck it.

The Future's So Bright, DC's Gotta Wear Shades


It's like the same...but really different.

This summer, DC played host to one of the coolest, most interesting, and game changing mini-series in a very long time. It was called Flashpoint, and even though it’s been over for a couple of weeks (as of this writing), its effects are far reaching, and will be for the foreseeable future. The premise was simple: what would you do if, one day, you wake up to find everything you knew was different? Your long dead mother is alive. Your wife has no clue who you are. Friends that were dead are now alive/alive that are now dead. Other friends are literally at war with each other. What would you do? That’s what Barry Allen, the Flash, the Fastest Man Alive, must figure out. Be warned, there be spoilers beyond this point.
Booster Gold was there, too.

While the primary 5-issue mini-series is phenomenal in-and-of itself, it’s the multiple limited series & one-shots that makes Flashpoint utterly fantastic. It turns a story in a comic book into a fully immersive world. You get to see how all of these characters you thought you knew turned completely sideways (Jason Todd a priest? Guy Gardner a pacifist? Thomas Wayne’s Batman and Martha’s the Joker? Dick Grayson is the new Doctor Fate?). Even better is the bleed over from the Vertigo & Wildstorm Universes, but we’ll get to that in a bit.
Well said, Mr. Johns.

While I feel that the only required reading (besides Flashpoint itself) are the Wonder Woman & Emperor Aquaman spin-offs, I found that Frankenstein & the Creatures of the Unknown to be the best part of the Flashpoint Saga. Yeah, I know, right? Didn’t expect that either. In fact, my original gameplan didn’t even include reading that. It wasn’t until I read through a few of the books (and realized how awesome the Flashpoint-verse was) that I picked up Frankenstein. Do you like monsters? Do you like Nazis getting their comeuppance? How about murderous robots? If you said yes to even one of the previous questions, well then, ladies & gents, this is the book for you!
Seriously, who wouldn't want to read this?

As I’ve already said, there was a really cool bleed between what we knew as the DCU, the Wildstorm Universe, & the Vertigo Universe. There were major characters popping up throughout Flashpoint where I had to ask myself “Who in the blue Hell is that?” Well, thanks to a little thing called the internets, I was able to answer that. Apollo (an allegory for Superman from Wildstorm’s Stormwatch) shows up in the Project: Superman story. Grifter, another Wildstorm character, is the leader of the Resistance in Meta-war torn Europe. While new to some people, the addition of characters like this seemed seamless, so even if you didn’t know who these characters were, there wasn’t a problem. BIG SPOILER: In the waning pages of Flashpoint #5, as Barry runs to save the day, a voice speaks to him, telling him that his actions have caused the rejoining of three universes that were supposed to be one, but were somehow fractured in the past. In this scene, the reader was shown four groups of heroes: one of the DCU’s champions, one of Wildstorm’s, and one of Vertigo’s. The final was an amalgamation of the other three, with characters that seem familiar, but somewhat different. And that was the first frame of the DCnU/New 52.
OH SNAP, SPOILERS!!!

The New 52 is an initiative that I was both hotly anticipating, yet very hesitant about. If you don’t know what it is (for shame!), following Flashpoint, DC rebooted all of their books to #1. Now, some of the books will be (more-or-less) business as usual, and pick up from where they left off before the Flashpoint event (Green Lantern, I’m looking at you). There are some books that rewrite history, altering/deleting facts as they go along (Batgirl, what’s up?). Other books are an actual reboot to the series, and play as prequels to the current DCnU timeline (Action Comics plays out a few years before Superman, whilst Superboy takes place before Teen Titans, and Justice League is currently telling its origin story, but will revert to the current timeline).
Also: young Supes rocks the highwaters.

I love reading the books about the heroes as they are starting out. The Superman that we see in Action Comics is a bit of a dick. Hal Jordan in Justice League acts exactly how you would expect a cocky flyboy with a near limitless power ring to act. But, at least so far, for my money, you can never beat Justice League’s young Batman. Besides his reaction to whenever another superhero realizes that he’s just a crazy guy running around fighting crime without powers, his brazen attitude & zest for justice is extraordinarily reminiscent of Frank Miller’s All-Star Batman & Robin’s “Goddamn Batman.”
Batman: The Story of a Delusional Billionaire

Side note: I know he gets a lot of flak for it, but I love the “Goddamn Batman.” I even follow him on Twitter (you should too: @God_Damn_Batman). Most writers portray Bruce Wayne as a master tactician, who keeps a cool head in the middle of a fight. Not Frank Miller. His “Goddamn Batman” is a much more realistic approach. Okay, Bruce Wayne, as a child, witnessed his parents get blown away by either a random mugger or a professional hitman (depending on the continuity). That sh*t would traumatize anybody, of any age. Clearly, Bruce Wayne is some kind of sociopath, as it was there that he dedicated his life to the pursuit of justice. The man trained himself to the peak of perfection in a vast array of pursuits, be it multiple forms of martial arts or detective…ing? Detectiving? Is that a word? Detecting? Whatever. Know what he never learned? Friendship. Manners. Sweet dance moves (Batusi not withstanding). He is unhinged & unbalanced, and Frank Miller is the only writer to give that craziness its due.
THEGODDAMNBATMANLOVESHISGODDAMNBATMOBILE!

But, I digress. Over the rest of September, DC will continue to unveil its New 52, and will, eventually, put new books out. It’s these changes, among other things, that make me feel like DC is single-handedly making comic books interesting again. Even better? There isn’t a major crossover event on the horizon (yes, I’m looking at you, X-Men: Schism, Spider-man: Spider Island, Fear Itself, X-Men: Regenesis, whatever the Avengers/Cable crossover is being called). For the moment, there are/will be 52 new books out by a major publisher that aren’t dependant on the reader buying 15 different books a month, then reading them in a particular order just so don’t miss a piece of the story. Everything old is new again over at DC. Familiar faces, different situations. What you know might be there, but it might not. And that’s fine. It’s fun. Depending on how you look at it, pre-Flashpoint stories had between 25 (Crisis on Infinite Earths) & 75 (the birth of DC) years of continuity to deal with. With the DCnU, writers & artists can pick and choose what stays & what goes. They don’t need to worry about staying true to the canon. They’re creating the canon! That’s awesome. It’s interesting. It makes me actively want to read the books, not read because I’ve invested a decade of my life/money in them, so I might as well see what happens next. And, like I said, DC's future is looking bright.
I cry foul to all writers who don't portray Batman like this.