Review: The Dark Knight Rises

"Batman Batmans the shit out of everything" - James Thorpey

*NOTE: Before I start with my usual "comedic" shtick/convulsing nerdgasm that go along with these reviews, there's something to be said about a tragic event that happened early this morning. A man in his mid-twenties went on a shooting spree in Aurora, Colorado during a packed midnight showing of the film. Reports are still coming in at the time of this writing, but there are a dozen people dead and fifty injured. To say that my thoughts are with the victims and their families is an understatement. This is a horrible act that words cannot describe, and it's most certainly the darkest of stains that will forever live on within the legacy of the Dark Knight Trilogy, if not the whole of Batman.*

Break. The. Bat.

The picture above is an artist's representation of Bane "breaking the Bat." Now, if you are knowledgeable about comics in any way, you already know that Bane was created for the sole purpose to snap Batman's spine, thus causing the Knightfall arc to occur. In every medium that this has been portrayed in, in however many retellings or reimaginings, Bane carries out his plan with extreme precision, and ends it with a vicious wrestling maneuver known as a "backbreaker." Christopher Nolan has recreated that quintessential moment of the Bat-mythos in excruciatingly brutal accuracy. Spoiler alert? Nope. You should know that Bane breaks the Bat to begin with. It's the one thing that everybody should know going into the film.

Because, I mean...damn.

Let's take a pause right quick to let me discuss the two flaws that I had with this film. Oh, BTDubs, I only had two issues with this film, both dealing with Bane. The first, and I know I'm not the only one who thinks this, s that the sound mixing for Bane was ridiculous. Every time the man spoke, it was so ridiculously loud compared to everybody else. But, you know what? Fine. I got over it quickly. The other issue I took with the film, and this isn't just because I'm a DC fanboy, was the complete absence of Venom (the mutated steroids on...steroids...didn't think that one through. Or did I?) in the film. So, I know I just said that when people think of Bane, they think of him breaking the Bat, but that's not the only thing they think. They also think of lucha libre masks (or mechanical pain-killer jockstraps you wear on the face, as it is in this film) and Venom. I mean, sure, Bane is a ginormous, musclebound beast of a tactician in general, but his whole thing is that he injects himself with Venom to (and forgive me for mixing companies) "Hulk-out" and bring even more pain. That being said, I know that the Nolan Bat films are as realistic as you can really get, and having a tube running to the back of your head that injects yourself with a ridiculous amount of glowing green rage juice isn't realistic. I get that. I knew it was an impossibility from the moment that Bane was announced. But I was shocked to see that Venom was cut completely out of the film. I was really hoping that Nolan was going to show Bane shooting up with some serious juice before fighting Batman. Oh well. Once again, just a little nitpicking that is easy to get over.

Rawr

There was a lot of moaning and groaning about Anne Hathaway being cast as Catwoman all those months ago. I admit it, I definitely said something along the lines of "Yeah, she'll look really great in skintight leather, but the chick from Bridewars? Really?" (Yeah, I went with the Bridewars reference. You don't get to do that often). But, you know what? I've had this motto since Batman Begins came out, and it goes a little something like this: "In Nolan, we trust." There has not been a Chris Nolan film that I've watched and felt disappointed by, so I figured that he knew what he was doing when he casted her. You know what happened? She blew me away. Anne Hathaway's portrayal of Catwoman was fantastic. She brought a strong, determined mindset to the character. I'd go so far as to say that she may have (almost) stolen the film. Almost. Most importantly, though, is that Hathaway did Catwoman proud. Unlike that abomination that DC tried to pull off a few years ago.

Seriously, what is this garbage? Everybody associated with this owes the estates of Bill Finger & Bob Kane the biggest of apologies.

But yeah, Anne Hathaway was a pretty puff-fect (yup) Selina Kyle. As always, Bale, Freeman, Oldman, & Caine were top notch, and Tom Hardy was stellar, as Tom Hardy always is. Seriously, have you seen Bronson? Go see Bronson. And, last, but certainly not least...

Tommy Solomon has come a long way.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt was the star of the film. No, seriously. Sure, the movie was about Bane & Batman fighting over Gotham (if you want to get really broad about things), but JGL's John Blake was the heart and soul of the film, and he totally brought his A-game. Now, make all the assumptions you want, but Blake is a wholly new character created for the film. Now, there is a shot (like Harley Quinn, who was created for B:TAS) that he'll be brought into the DCnU, but I doubt it very much. Though, I will say, for those of you who know the comic, and know it well, there are a few nods to the fans. In fact, if you know anything about the Bat-Fam surnames, Blake sounds a lot like somebody else's name... But I'll stop there.

Superfly Pimps

And now, the numbers:

Movie: 10 out of 10 Stars

Batmanliness: 10 out of 10 Hotlines to the Comissioner

Holy $#!+, Batmans!: 10 out of 10 Ka-Pows!

Long story short, Chris Nolan capped of his Dark Knight Trilogy perfectly. Is The Dark Knight Rises better than The Dark Knight? No, but it's close. Does it kind of tear you up inside that DC is rebooting the franchise already so that they can lead into a Justice League movie? In more ways than one. But you know what? This story is over. Nolan told the tale he wanted, and he told it so damn well. Only one thing to do about it, really...