Music You Should Be Listening To: Christmas Edition!

So, here are some of my favorite yuletide jams. Sit back, grab a nice glass of holiday cheer, wear the Hell out of that ugly sweater, and enjoy these dulcet tones...

The Killers - Don't Shoot Me Santa & The Cowboy's Christmas Ball

This marks the 6th year that the Killers have teamed with (PRODUCT) Red to raise money for charity and just kind of be in that whole spirit of giving. The Cowboy's Christmas Ball is the most recent one. Some of these singles (and their accompanying videos) have been sweet and heartwarming. I opted for the absurd ones. All six of these songs are great, so go pay a couple of sheckles and buy them from iTunes.

Bright Eyes - Little Drummer Boy & God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Because having the Killers on here isn't douchey enough. For those of you who don't know, Bright Eyes has a Christmas album. And it's awesome. I chose these two songs because they're so very different from one another.

Richard Cheese - Christmas in Las Vegas & Last Christmas

These two come from a phenomenal & hilarious Christmas album. They may not be thee best tracks from it, but they do pretty much sum the thing up.

Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas (1984)

Sure, it;s cheesy, and not even particularly that great, but man...supergroup. And mulleted Bono. And warm feelings of listening to the radio at Christmastime in my youth. But mostly mulleted Bono. There was actually two high profile remakes to this: Band Aid II, which was a travesty to the aural plane & Band Aid 20, which actually wasn't bad. Except that Bono was mulletless.

David Bowie & Bing Crosby - Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth

This is my favorite Christmas song of all time. Why? Don't be an idiot. David. Bowie. Plus, the obvious disdain "kindly" old Bing Crosby has for the wonderful freakshow that is David Bowie is timeless. And while there are stories about how the two men couldn't stand each other, when you hear the song, all the animosity is brushed away & replaced by something beautiful. Also of note is that this was filmed, sadly, right before Mr. Crosby's death. But what a fitting end cap to a great singer's life.

New Year's Eve - An Honest Review by a Man Who'll Never See It

New Years...wait a sec...

Wait, that's totally not it.

Way, way different & original.

Why did they make this movie? Seriously, what's the want for it? I'll tell you what it is: (mostly) famous, (mostly) pretty people being angsty about finding love or what have you on New Years Eve. Also, according to the trailer, at least one baby is born. Do you know how awesome that sounds? Not awesome. It sounds so not awesome. "What does it sound like then?" you may ask. Crap. Pure, unadulterated crap, with a healthy helping of more crap on the side. If you go and spend your hard earned money on this, especially in this economy, you will reside in a very specific region of Hell. One where you have to keep watching New Years Eve, over and over again. For crying out loud, one BBC review cited it to be the "worst movie ever put on film." And this is in a world where they made Manos: The Hands of Fate (and it's currently getting a sequel).

Biggest Travesty (Tie):

First, that this man was in it:

What happened to you, Robert?

Robert DeNiro used to be a legitimate actor. What the Hell happened? Seriously, was he that brazen with his spending that he just takes any job he can get nowadays? Killer Elite was dope, at least.

The other was that this guy was in it:

"Slaughter" was this man's personal theme!

Til Schweiger is best known for being the super-badass destroyer of Nazi balls Hugo Stiglitz in Inglourious Basterds. Well, "was" known. Now, there's a chance that he'll be known for having lady parts. No offense. Well, a little offense. It's a free country.

So basically, I'm saying that I just cannot endorse anybody to go out and see this turd of a movie. Well, alleged movie. What the Hell happened to you, Garry Marshall?

Waiting, with Baited Breath

As the Christmas (or "Holiday," if you're a politically correct douche) season approaches, it can mean only one this: movie studios will be releasing their big budget and/or Oscar-hopeful films (that they didn't have faith enough to release during the summer). So, in this entry into the Awesome Blog, I will be taking a look at the films that will soon be coming out that I will actually pay money to go see. Probably.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

This is the picture internet nightmares are made of.

 I cannot wait for the new Sherlock Holmes. I love Downey. Love Jude Law. Love Guy Ritchie. Love the source material. And everything is Steampunk! Opens 12/16

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

She sure is an heir to the Giants & Steelers fortune.

 I've wanted to see this since I saw the first teaser for this featuring that badass cover of "The Immigrant Song." And Daniel Craig is in it. But, more importantly, awesome David Fincher directed the damn thing! Opens 12/21

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

Looks like Hawkeye freaking hates Maverick.

If you know me, you know I don't like Tom Cruise. Except in Cocktail. But I do loves me some Renner. And that's enough for me. Opens 12/21 (12/16 - IMAX Only)

The Adventures of Tintin

It's like when I was little...in THREE DIMENSIONS!!!

I watched Tintin when I was a kid. It was great. I Spielberg, Edgar Wright, & Steven Moffat. There's very little that could go wrong here. Opens 12/21

Coriolanus

Not you ancestor's Shakespeare.

Coriolanus is a modern retelling of Shakespeare's tragedy, as well as being the directorial debut of Voldemort. Shit-kicker Gerard Butler co-stars, as does Brian Cox. Looks prittay good. Opens 1/20

Harry Morgan: 1915-2011

This isn't about you James Remar.

There we go. Better. Well, not better, but you know...

Legendary actor Harry Morgan passed away yesterday. He was best known as Col. Sherman Potter, second leader of the 4077th in the seminal Korean War series M*A*S*H, though he was also known as Bill Gannon, one of Joe Friday's partners in Dragnet.

And they never said "Just the facts, ma'am"!

Though Morgan hadn't acted since 1999, his death is a loss to the acting world, if for no other reason than nostalgia. Even though both shows were off the air when I was born, I defy you to find a person my age that has never watched M*A*S*H. Or doesn't remember watching a rerun of Dragnet (or even Gunsmoke) while laying on their grandparents' floor. Won't happen.

And yeah, he totes costarred with Elvis.

Harry Morgan/Officer Gannon/Colonel Potter...

You & your badass cigar smoking will be missed.

Ron Swanson: The Only Non Time Lord Worth Watching on TV

Hero

Parks & Rec's Ron Swanson is amazing. He's easily one of the best characters in TV history. He's the ultimate man's man. He'd give a baby chest hair. He's awesome. Here are some words best used to describe him: bacon connoisseur, mustached, Libertarian, red meat lover, antisocial, awesome. That's all you need to know about him.

And he doesn't shy away from the ol' guns.

But to get an apt view of Swanson, you really must watch the show. But for a taste of his true awesomeness, view the picture below:

Behold: The Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

Here's a closer look. Read it, and try to tell me that he isn't the greatest person ever.

"Welfare Avoidance"

Greatness, personified.

Music You Should Be Listening To - Week of 12/4-12/10

Haven't done this in a while, but then again, I haven't been blogging too much lately, so without further ado...


Current: MoneyGrabber - Fitz & the Tantrums

They're everything you want, but never knew you wanted.

MoneyGrabber is the breakout single from Fitz & the Tantrums debut studio album "Picking Up the Pieces." And while it's over a year old, that doesn't matter, because 1) you probably haven't heard it & b) it is the jam. I mean come on: the guitar is eschewed as the lead instrument in favor of the saxophone. The sexy, sexy saxophone. These guys are the jam.

Throwback: Love is the Drug/Mother of Pearl - Roxy Music (Tie)

Yeah, they've probably done some drugs before.

Now, I feel as though this is a bit of a cop out, and that I could have just chosen one for this week & the other for the next installment, but I have just really been digging on both of these songs as of late. There is no bad in either of these tracks by the British glam/art rock band Roxy Music, lead by the ever charismatic Bryan Ferry. I don't have much else to say about either of these tracks, as I'm no music critic, I just know what sounds awesome. And these songs are awesome. What I can tell you is that Roxy Music should be given an award for having pretty much the sexiest album covers of all time. You should check it out.

Sadly, there was never an official video to Mother of Pearl, as it wasn't released as a single.

Doctor Who Blogging: A Look at the Eleventh (& Series 6) [Warning: Rambling Ahead]

I may yet be the villain...

So, another series of Doctor Who has come & gone, and while I had originally planned to blog about it like none other, that, clearly, was not the case. I'm going to go and blame Obama for that, since apparently nobody takes responsibility for themselves anymore, and it's the cool thing to do.

With all of the Doctor Who fan art out there, I still couldn't find one with Obama.

But now it's out on the DVD, so let's have a chat about this wonderful show, shall we?


While I enjoyed Series 6 very much, very much indeed, I was left troubled & confused more often than not. Troubled in that the Doctor, as I've known him, was always a (mostly) peaceful man. Yes, sure, many of his enemies perished through his actions, and he is always ready for a fight when the Daleks are involved (especially seen in Baker's Destiny of the Daleks and, to a lesser extent, Eccleston's Dalek), but at his core, he's just a fun-loving adventurer who would like to see peace prevail throughout the whole of time & space...right?

It's not like he caused those exploooooooooh wait...

Now, we've seen the Eleventh be a bit of a badass in the past, giving into his hubris and calling out his enemies, essentially daring them to try something. Guess what? They did. You would think this would cause the Doctor to maybe reel it in a bit. Oh, wait, we're talking about the Doctor.

Where "reeling it in" means talking Nixon's seat.

It's no surprise (well, okay, it was) that we see the Doctor get killed in the Series 6 premiere. Don't worry, it's all wibbly-wobbly. Granted, the Doctor we see the rest of the Series doesn't know he's going to die (at least for a while), but he keeps putting his head out there, egging everybody on. And it culminates in the mid-season finale, A Good Man Goes to War. The Doctor amasses his own personal militia to save Amy & her baby.

Sh*t goes down, is what I'm saying.

One of the big reveals, well, in my mind, is that sure, doctor means "healer/wise man" in many of the universe's language, but it also means "mighty warrior," which perturbs the good Doctor a bit. But think about it: he's saved countless civilizations, even when it meant the eradication of others, and let's not forget that he's the sole survivor of the Great Time War. Not only did he kill the whole of the Dalek Empire (well, mostly, kind of), but to do so, he had to destroy his own race, too, probably causing a regeneration in the process. Looking back, it's hard to not see the Doctor as a warrior. He fights for good, even when "good" may be subjective.

And he has no problem just emasculating that guy with the beret.

Which is ballsy...him having the gun & all.

The second half of Series 6 is a bit of a roller coaster. It starts off strong with the fabulously named episode "Let's Kill Hitler," but that's a bit of a misnomer, and leads to some of the more confusing storylines of the series. Though, when it comes to the Doctor & River Song's story, you couldn't get more confusing.

Thank you internet for gold like this.

"The Girl Who Waited" gives us a look at an older Amy, and the realizations that she has about the Doctor. While this Amy is badass & just kind of awesome, you know what is going to happen by episode's end, further cementing the Eleventh as not only a liar, but just kind of a bastard. Yes, he has his reasons, and his intentions are good, but once more, his actions don't scream "hero" so much as "manipulative bastard."

To quote another Scot: "There can be only one!"

This incident, along with the Eleventh's revelation that he will die, causes him to rethink what he's been doing, and sends the Williams Family packing, though he does hook them up with a new house & a sweet car (but when did he get the chance to do that? And where did he get the guap for it?). Umm, let's see...Craig shows up again. That kind of ruined the flow a bit, as I've found one thing: Craig episodes equal laughs, not so much necessary story arc movement. I don't hate you Craig, I just hate the episodes you're in. And finally, we get to the finale, "The Wedding of River Song." We are thrust into a world that is quite different.

Including Ian McNeice returning as Churchill, whom I met.

The fact of the matter is that all of time & space is happening at once, and while events transpire, and not in some kind of time loop that keeps replaying, time itself is standing still. The moment? Right before the Doctor dies.

Ka-Blam!

But, come on. We know that's not the end. Why? Because he's the Doctor. The master manipulator. The man (Time Lord) with the best poker face in the whole of the known history. Well, that, and a) the show had already been renewed for another season & 2) Matt Smith is contracted for at least another season. Plus, if the Doctor was going out for good, it would have to be on a much grander scale. Episode-wise, it was pretty good, though more than a bit confusing. There was the aforementioned world of everything ever happening at once. Familiar faces didn't have familiar backstories. Everybody wore these Borg-like futuristic eye patches that you knew were just going to come back and bite them in the ass.

And the Eleventh looked haggard.

Not that anybody reads this, but I have a strong feeling that those who do (which, as a sentence, makes zero sense), are familiar with DC Comic's Flashpoint mini-series that lead to the reboot of the entire continuity from over the summer. While watching this episode, while everything was going wibbly-wobbly (and yes, sure, timey-whimey, too), I just couldn't not think of Flashpoint. All of these characters I knew and loved (or just kind of liked as friends) were there, but they were all quite different. Which was probably my favorite part of the episode. I mean, who doesn't love alternate timelines/dimensions/etc?

Commies. The answer is always Commies.

And while, yes, I did feel slighted by the cop-out near the end of the episode, I was also left wanting more, just like any good Whovian. Maybe the Dark Doctor that has been unfolding before us will change back to the fun-loving space hobo of yesteryear. Or maybe, just maybe, he'll go darker than we have seen him go.


WARNING: This may sound insensitive & probably douche-y, but I don't care. I do my best not to bow down before the puritanical gods of Political Correctness. I find that we Whovians have been like "battered woman." Wait, before you send the hate messages (which won't happen because nobody reads this), hear me out. And this doesn't happen to just the Whovians. It happens to every die hard fan. You fall in love with a product. You get emotionally invested in said product. It's great. It's like the honeymoon stage all day, every day. But then it hits. You realize "Hey, this wasn't so good." But you're invested. So you give it another chance. And again, it disappoints. But you keep going back. And it keeps slapping you down, yet it gives back just enough love that you think it'll change. That it'll go back to the way it used to be. So you go back again. And endless cycle, and I hope that it's not the case with Doctor Who. Sure, there were episodes that left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but there were also some great episodes & moments throughout Series 6. I'm truly hoping that Steven Moffat knows what he's doing, and is just kind of pissing the fans off to make his next move just that much more spectacular. I just hope he doesn't go the route of George Lucas & takes something great and just really screws it up. Just ruins it to the point that I never want to see it again, because all the wonderment and fun that was there has been utterly savaged and destroyed.

You'll burn for what you did.

But, for my many complaints, Series 6 and the continuously darker Doctor aren't all bad. There were numerous elements that I liked this season. I shan't go over all of them, as it would really lessen the hellfire rant that has comprised most of this blog entry, so I'll just do my top three.


The first would easily be the inclusion of Lily Cole as the mermaid/scary-ass alien doctor in "The Curse of the Black Spot." While I wasn't a big fan of this episode, I am a big fan of Miss Cole. And why wouldn't I be?

I do have a pulse, after all. Lechery.

My second favorite part of the season was the (fabulous) Neil Gaiman-penned episode "The Doctor's Wife." Judging solely on the title of the episode, and with the knowledge we already have about future events in the story, it'd be easy to think that this tale is about River Song. But you'd be so very wrong. In a wonderful turn of events, in a way that really only Gaiman can do, he turns the Doctor's first (and only) true love into flesh. Yup, the TARDIS becomes human. Ish. Humanish. And by the closing moments, you find that you're so emotionally invested that it is truly heart-wrenching. Much of the Doctor/TARDIS relationship is restated in this episode, including why it is often so finicky & lands in the wrong place/time (it isn't about where he wants to be, but where he needs to be), as well as how fate had nothing to do with his picking that particular TARDIS when he made his escape from Gallifrey. And just like bow ties, fezzes, & Stetsons, that is cool.

Gaiman, you magnificent bastard.

And finally my third favorite part of Series 6 was, unsurprisingly, Karen Gillen as Amy Pond.

I love you.

With all my gripes about Series 6 & all my fears of the possibility of a Dark Doctor, I still can't wait for the new Series to air (which feels like it won't be until forever). Why? Because I'm a Whovian. I get excited over every new episode, every special, every Children In Need skit. And that won't change, because in my heart, "intellect and romance" will always, always, always triumph "over brute force and cynicism."

CM Punk is Not Impressed

There is a fantastic meme going abouts ye olde Facebook called "CM Punk is Not Impressed." It deals with the wrestler CM Punk being photoshopped into pictures of things that he is not impressed with, while looking, not in any way shockingly, unimpressed. Now, the vast majority of the pictures that get posted suck. But yesterday, oh man...


...They struck gold...

"CM Punk is not impressed with your double entendre 'zingers.'"

Now, I don't know why I laughed so hard when I saw this. Maybe it's because of all the Game Show Network that is aired in my house. Maybe it's because it's actually a semi-decent photoshop job. Maybe it's because I too am not impressed by the double entendre "zingers" that all of the game show hosts of yesteryear expelled (not that I don't appreciate them). But looking at this picture again, I think I may have figured it out: the stark contrast of everybody's expressions compared to that of Punk's is classic. Clearly, there is nothing other to say than that man is just not impressed. So go "like" this thing on Facebook.


SUPER TUESDAY BONUS FEATURE!!!


To go along with the above "CM Punk is Not Impressed," there's another great wrestling photoshop meme on the FB, and it stars none other than the Madness himself: the late, great, Macho Man Randy Savage. This particular ridiculousness started before Savage's untimely passing earlier this year (RIP Mach, dig it), and sadly ended shortly after his passing. But there is a glimmer of hope. I guess due to overwhelming fan response & submissions, the author has pulled a Brett Favre & come out of retirement. The comedy world thanks him. The following are just a few examples of "Where's Randy Savage?"

They took him out after Beta testing, for he was unstoppable.

Fake! The explosion would have been much bigger!

Obvious...but genius.

I like to think that this is how the Slim Jim thing went down.

And, finally:

Vigo the Carpathian fears the double axe handle.

But yeah, like "Where's Randy Savage" on Facebook.