Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Greatest Superhero Ever: A No Nonsense Look...Well, Maybe Some Nonsense.

Who's the greatest superhero?
I would watch this movie.

Is it the Man of Steel?
You let yourself go, Clark.

No way. Superman is perfect. He's a Boy Scout. In fact, the only flaw he really has (besides getting all wonky on Special K...Kryptonite, that is) is that he's kind of an a-hole. Don't believe me? Check it for yourself.
This is pretty mind blowing, though.

Is it the World's Greatest Detective?
And now it all makes sense...

It pains me to sat that Batman isn't the greatest superhero. He's awesome. Think about it for a minute. He's rich, brilliant, badass, and crazy like a fox. Born into a life of posh living and never having to lift a finger for the rest of his life, he chose to go off and train with the greatest teachers in the world, all so he could jump from rooftops in footie pajamas and beat up villains. Sure, there was some tragedy thrown in there to put him on track, but that's not what I'm talking about. He is the coolest superhero of all time, but he isn't the greatest.
I do believe this is actual documentation of his exploits, though.

Well, how about Cap?
He did give Hitler the business...

Captain America is timeless. He is the embodiment of the American dream. Let's look at that picture up there a little closer, shall we?
Yup. That IS a right cross, Adolf.

Yet, he got killed (as did Supes & the Bat), but when he came back, he chose not to reclaim the shield. Don't get me wrong, Steve Rogers is still fighting the good right in the Marvelverse, but he isn't the Cap anymore, and he loses points for that. Oh, one last thing:
Captain Steve Rogers: still punching Hitler after all these years.

Oooooookay...umm...the Merc with a Mouth?
Nobody else has a Corps made entirely of alternate versions of himself.

Deadpool is the greatest comic character ever created. He isn't the greatest superhero, though. In fact, it's hard to describe Deadpool as a superhero, as he's a mercenary who kills without regard, is shallow and self-absorbed, and is constantly hired by Hydra and other sinister groups. But one thing is for sure: he's fantastic. Just look...
He played "rochambeau" with Cap.

Cap only recently got his revenge.

He also can't believe Cap punched hitler in the face.

In fact, he & Cap are Marvel's Goofus & Gallant...

Maybe he's indie...like, hmmm...The Great Blue Yonder?
Yes Virginia, that is his battle cry.

Ben Edlund's The Tick is a tremendously funny satire on the superhero genre. It has spawned a cartoon, a short lived live-action show, a video game, and more. Unfortunately, both shows may have been a bit too meta for the majority of audiences. He's absurd, irreverent, and everything a city doesn't need in a protector...which makes him exactly what a comic reader wants.
Much like a child or kitten, he is distracted by shiny things.

But alas, he is also not the greatest superhero ever.

So, who is this great hero? Easy. It's none other than the Scarlet Speedster himself.
Fastest. Man. Alive.

I'm not talking about Jay. I'm not talking about Wally, or Bart, for that matter. No way. I mean Barry freaking Allen. THE Flash. He doesn't just ride the lightening, he is the lightening. I will go much, much more in depth about why Barry is so great tomorrow. But when you have the almighty Geoff Johns stating that Barry is the greatest hero, well, who the Hell are you to say otherwise? Oh, and he had the stones to say that in the New York Daily News.
Superman still has to look for a phone booth.

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