Because I Haven't Talked About the Doctor Recently...

Dude. Dude! Duuuuuuuuuuuude!

Do you see that? The next episode of Season/Series 6 is called "Let's Kill Hitler." I can't contain my joy. I actually audibly gasped when I saw that the other week after the midseason finale of Doctor Who. I'm so excited. Truly, it's...wait. I'm getting word of something as I write this. Let's go live to Hitler's bunker, where it seems as though he just heard about the news.

It's, uh, well...you're rightly humped here, bud.

I's going to be an awesome episode. Regardless of how good it is. That doesn't make any sense, does it? Well, here's the thing: THE FREAKING EPISODE IS CALLED "LET'S KILL HITLER!" Who cares what actually happens through the course of the show?!

If Rory or Amy do this in the episode,

I think my brain will actually explode.

And it'll be totes worth the whole "death" thing.

Green Lantern: The Actual Review

I'm going to keep this brief. Like Hal Jordan's underwear when the Guardians are testing him on Oa.

Shazam!

While I wasn't blown away by the film (it is no Dark Knight, by any stretch), I had a great time watching it. While there was a ridiculous amount of CGI used, it wasn't that bad. It's a movie about a space cop & aliens. You can't have realistic looking practical SFX for that kind of thing. It gets a pass, and the costumes are even growing on me. Now, as a self-admitted GL nerd, every time there was an inconsistency with the original source material (or comic books, if you want to be an asshat about the specifics), I made a (usually) silent comment about it under my breath. But that didn't take away from the story. The way I see it, just like if you watch a movie based off of a good book, you have to keep the source material & the film separate. The books are one entity. The film, another. After watching it in that mindset, here's what I thought:


Movie: 3.75 out of 5 Stars
Abs: 6 out of 6-pack (nailed it!)
Greenness: Just really, really green. Vibrant, really.


What you have to remember with this movie is that it's (supposed to be) the first in a series of Green Lantern films. Maybe this (like the Marvel film series - minus X-Men & Spider-Man) will be used to as a cornerstone for the oft-talked about/oft-beleaguered/cash machine waiting to happen that is the Justice League film that, I'm sure, is on DC/WB's radar. And there's a very good chance that it'll be fast-tracked if (read: when) Marvel's Avengers makes so many dollar bills next year. But getting back to my point: Green Lantern is an origin story. It's supposed to introduce the audience to Hal Jordan, the ring, Sinestro,  Kilowog, and the rest of the Corps (I even saw Stel!). It did this job admirably. And [SPOILER ALERT] it had a great set-up for the Sinestro Corps that'll clearly play a role in the sequel(s).

Do your research, people.

Is the film perfect? No. It has some flaws. Is it a solid actioneer that does GL justice & provide entertainment for a wide range of moviegoers? Yes. I suggest you go see it, but know that if you're disappointed, the next one will get better.

Also: there'll be a chance of seeing Blake

Lively dressed like this.

On a side note: I found it an interesting choice for the artists of the Flashpoint (and its tie-in comics) mini-series to use the movie version of Abin Sur & Sinestro's looks, instead of their classic portrayals. Hmm...very clever timing, DC. Very cleaver.

I Fear the Future

This post isn't (overtly) going for humor (humour, if you're British...or an ass), so I will be peppering in funny pictures that may or may not related to anything going on with what's being written.

Adorable as it may be, there's nothing funny about zombabies.

When I say I fear the future, I don't mean I'm worried about the fallout from the ever-present gas and financial crises. I'm not talking about the looming threat of all out nuclear war. The rise of a Skynet-like entity (Google & Apple, please don't ever, ever merge) is not the issue. Heck, I'm not even talking about the harsh reality of the Zombie Apocalypse (or Zombpocalypse, for those of us "in the know"). And trust me, it's bound to happen...

That's good advice kids.

No, what I fear about the future is the children. And not just the kids that are in school today, but the students of tomorrow. Their content knowledge is atrocious, and their (lack of) physical fitness is painful to see.

It's like we're breeding generations of Ralph Wiggums.

Wiggumses? Wiggi? I digress, as per usual...

As a substitute teacher, I see students at every grade level, and as the years pass, I see the (ahem) progression of these children. It would be easy (and so horribly wrong) to blame the teachers that these children have for their sorely lacking skills. It isn't their fault. Well, it mostly isn't their fault. Some teachers aren't good, and they really have no right being in front of impressionable minds and "educating" them.

Looks like Miss Bliss is teaching them

how to be whorish today.

I'm sitting here, monitoring ISS (in-school suspension), or ISI (in-school instruction, so the district doesn't have to report the suspension to the state), and there are two days of school left. And kids are in suspension! Behavioral issues start at home. Dear parents, the television IS NOT a babysitter. It will very much NOT help mold your child into a productive and valuable member of society.

Oh hush. I'm not going to make french fries myself.

But I don't feel that behavior issues are the biggest problem. It's the fact that parents don't make an effort to help educate their children. They don't know how to socialize, other than what they learn on television. They feel that as long as their is the internet, they don't have to worry about knowing anything. Their spelling is atrocious. A small fraction can write (or read) cursive. Most have trouble writing anything of substance. BUt what crushes my soul each and every time I see it, and it happens way too much, is that kids don't know how to read. They just don't.

For shame!

There was a time when students actually had to learn the proper skills and content knowledge to move to the next grade level. Now? Not so much. Students are being moved to the next grade, regardless of the fact that they are, essentially (and pardon the cold reality), idiots. Here's a fun/true/sad fact: There are (now current) 6th graders that read at an alleged 3rd grade level. And aren't exactly passing their current year. But, next year, they will be in 7th grade. Idiocy begets idiocy. To pass somebody clearly lacking in the basic skills that are needed to function in everyday life to the next, allegedly, more difficult level, is a blatant failure in a teacher/administrator/board of education's duty to promote learning and instill an education to the hundreds or thousands of children that they see in their respective careers. It pains me to see this happen. But I can't (just) blame administrators. The US Government's No Child Left Behind Act was one of these catalysts for idiocy. If no child gets left behind, no child can excel and reach as high as they can/should. Now, Obama has recently said (in his 2011 State of the Union Address) that he has a plan to replace NCLB. Joy. As we've seen with ObamaCare (and his willingness to let states basically strip the bones of teachers who don't make enough money as it is), his plans are just top notch. Aces, really.

"...and Spider-Man & Ford are working on

creating a truly green, affordable means of

transportation for everybody." - Obama

But, I'm "just a sub" (and if you say that to me, there's a chance that I will karate chop you, quite viciously, in the throat), so what do I know. Besides being engrained in the education system the past few years. And the fact that I went to a public school. And a state college. And I'm a shockingly keen observer of my surroundings. And I'm not an idiot. That's why I try to not be complacent when I'm working. I don't just hand out some work sheets and say good luck. I'm always wiling to help them, to explain things in a way that the students might understand. I tell them fun facts about things that they won't learn in the books. I actively try to advance their knowledge and usage of the English language. And I get nothing for it, except the hope that maybe I'm contributing to a better tomorrow (and a truly paltry daily sum). I'm kind of like a woefully underpaid educational mercenary. I find a job each day, and do what I can to better the educational experience of children. But, sadly, it seems like a losing battle.

How do I reach these kids?

Complacency in parents that think that all the responsibilities for educating their children really burns these teachers out. The fact that administrations and the government seem like they don't have a real problem with the proven fact that there is an insanely large portion of students in public schools don't know the fundamentals that (most) people take for granted is astonishing. They seem okay with letting these television & video game brainwashed masses just skim through their education. These are the people who will be in charge one day. These are the people that I might have to call "boss." These are the people who'll be taking care of me if my Still's Disease goes to hell when I'm older. And that's what I fear.

Green Lantern: The Pre-Review

Fake suit. Real abs. Really fake mask.

Oh, I am so very much looking forward to this movie. Like, really really. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a big GL fan, coming in second on my list, just after Barry Allen. Now, I know it'll make a lot of money, and it's heavy use of CGI is a necessary evil, as the effects just aren't doable using practical SFX. My problem is with the story. My fear (pun!) with the film is that it just won't be accessible to non-GL fans. Now, sure, we get the origin story: A young Hal sees his father die in a plane accident, then washes out of the Air Force for assaulting a superior officer so he can (fail to) see his dying mother, and then gets a job at Ferris Air because that's the only place for him to go and still be near planes. Abin Sur crash lands on Earth & orders his ring to find a successor. It locates Hal Jordan & summons him to Abin before he finally perishes, giving Jordan a few words of advice. Obvi. Hal putzes around for a little while, randomly learning how to randomly use the ring. That's all fine and good. But then the twosie hits the fan, and Hal is transported to the GL home-planet of Oa, which is populated by about 3599 different aliens. More if you count the Guardians. This is where I think the movie will lose non-fans. Anybody who knows anything about GL is that aliens play an overwhelmingly hulking role in the mythos and story. Unfortunately, through some horrifying flaw in humanity, people don't know Green Lantern like they do Batman (alternatively: Bat-Man) and, ugh, Superman. Which is why, I'm afraid (zing!) that the film adaptation of Green Lantern will leave most viewers reeling as if they just punched by the 'Wog.

I bet one half of the two people reading this did not get that reference.

I am praying that the movie is awesome, because the mythos is so ripe that sequels are a given. I just don't think that John Q. Public will be as accepting as they have for other heroes. The movie just seems too grand for an origin story and there will be a lot lost in the translation. Here's what I feel they should have done:


The story should follow the origin tale as I have posted above, but, instead of being transported to Oa, Thaal Sinestro should come to visit Hal on Earth, after hearing of his friend's death. From there, Sinestro teaches Jordan the basics of ringslinging and helps him repel an attack on Earth by Aliens that Abin Sur was trying to stop (or something like that). The aliens can be helped by Hector Hammond, who has been corrupted/advanced by coming in contact with a meteorite that was stuck in Abin Sur's ship. Once the hero saves the day, and only then, should Hal be brought to Oa and introduced to the Corps fully, thus leaving it open for the inevitable sequel, and satiating the Fanboys/Fangirls/Nerds out there.

I imagine this has something to do with Twilight.

Now perhaps I'm just bitter that there have been liberties taken in the CGI designs of some of my favorite GLC members. Maybe it's that I still don't like the uniforms that they wound up using for the movie. But I definitely don't like that they're using Parallax, the embodiment of fear, as the main villain of the movie. There should be a slow build to that. I'm sure Green Lantern will be a trilogy, so they should plant the seeds of Parallax in the first, expand on it in the second, and then have a big drawn out battle in the third. While the Green Lantern stories are near infinite, this first movie seems to have virtually depleted two of the best villains in one fell swoop. Obviously, Sinestro will be the Big Bad in one of the sequels, but who else are they going to use? Manhunters? Not a bad choice. Cyborg-Superman? Highly unlikely. Black Hand? Doubt it. Goldface? That'd be hilarious...terrible, but hilarious. Other Corps of the Light Spectrum? That would take some build-up. Oh, I know who they should use!

Sportsmaster! Your time has arrived!

Well, to be honest with you, this post has gotten away from me. You know, if you couldn't tell. So, without further ado, here's my pre-review breakdown for Green Lantern:


Movie: 4 out of 5 Stars
Abs: A solid 6 out of 6-pack
Greenness: Soooooo green!


Anyway, to sum it up, I'm totally stoked for this movie, but I'm a little worried that it won't be accessible to non-GL fans. But, hey, screw them. Everybody should be reading Green Lantern!

Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself

Hello dear readers. It's been a mighty long time. Mighty long. I've had some recent turmoil in my life which, paired with working like a lunatic, has voided me of the much necessary time I need to write my inane ramblings and bullheaded opinions. But fear not: It is back on. What. Up.

Pic unrelated, but I'll miss you most, Macho Man.