Ready or Not, Here They Come. It's Zombie Time!

That's good advice, kids.

In the past few years, zombies have exploded all over the mainstream, just like their heads when you put a shotgun shell between their dead eyes. With the rise of the undead as iconic figures, so has the preparation for the rise of the undead as actual fact. And, when you think about it, out of all the monsters out there (including aliens), a zombpocalypse is the most likely of our world-spanning nightmares to happen. Seriously, it could happen.

When there's no room left in Hell...

The constant fear of a large scale zombie attack, coupled with a Facebook status that's been going around about who you would be stuck with during the zomb-poc (I'd fair well, as it turns out), is the basis for this article. Now, I'm not going to go over what you should have in your Bug-Out Bag. You do have a B.O.B., right? Because you should. Even if you aren't weary of the zombie threat (you silly, silly person, you), it's a good idea to have a B.O.B. in case of any kind of disaster.

Well, they certainly seem to have it all locked up.

What you definitely need is a plan. And the aforementioned Bug-Out Bag. And guns. Lots of them, preferably. Definitely going to need guns. And other weapons. Basically, I'm saying that you are definitely going to be eaten if you can't defend yourself with brutal force. But I digress. You'll need a plan. And here are mine:

I said plans. Not schematics.

PLAN 1:

Win the lottery prior to outbreak. Invest fortune in Canadian land. Or at least Minnesota. Someplace cold, where the zombies will freeze during the winter. Build a compond with multiple panic rooms, a hydroponics room, as well as farmland & a place to raise animals. Besides a tall outer wall made of stone, there will be multiple security fences and guard towers surrounding the compound. If I could tap a well somewhere on the premises as well, then it'd be go time.

PLAN 2:

Go to the nearest wholesale warehouse (Costco, BJs, Sam's Club, etc). Secure all doors/windows/cages. You will not be the only person/group with this idea. Plus, think about the crowds that will already be in the store. Make friends. Send hunting parties up and down each aisle to take out any zedheads/pre-zed infected persons. This is a must. While the warehouse is a great place to hole up (there's enough food/water/clothes for a long while), remember that it only takes one infectee to fly under the radar to make the best laid plans turn to utter slop. Euthanasia will have to happen.

PLAN 3:

Party yacht. Hear me out before you crucify me for this one. Obviously, this is not optimal for a long term solution. But if you can get to one that is all stocked/gassed up, you can at least find a safe refuge for a little while. I made sure I said party yacht instead of yacht mostly because it's bigger, and if you have to make an open fire on a boat, I would imagine that a party yacht is a better place than a yacht.

PLAN 4:

Self-sustaining bomb shelter. Like in the Fallout video game series, or the delightful awful Brendan Fraser vehicle Blast from the Past. This is pretty self explanatory.

PLAN 5:

Get one of these bad boys and take back the the world.

Rock, flag, & eagle!

If you couldn't tell by these "plans," there is no one good plan. In fact, you can plan all you want, but there is never anyway to be able to know the damage the undead (or the fleeing plebes) will cause until the time has unfortunately come.

You must remember one thing, though: Head shots only.

The other big question that is brought up about the zombpocalypse is who you should bring with you. Now, some people are in the thought that the lone wolf strategy is best, while others think that small group is optimal. Still others think that a large group is the best idea for survival. Personally, I think a smaller group of people is the way to go, but I'll list some pros & cons of each.

LONE-WOLF

This picture is unfair, as Chuck Norris would kill all the zeds.

Pros: 

        Move at your own speed.

        Don't have to worry about anybody else.

        No need to share.

        Easier hiding spots.

Cons:

        Nobody to watch your back.

        Crazy from loneliness.

        Never have that "safe" feeling.

        Leave behind gear that may be essential, but to cumbersome.

SMALL GROUP (3-6 PEOPLE)

Four seemed to work for them...

Pros:

        Always somebody to watch your back.

        You can actually go to sleep.

        Possibly have people with a wide skill set.

        Share the work.

        Have others to help from going crazy.

Cons:

        Have to share.

        Could lose one with essential supplies.

        Worry about lies about bites.

        Possible trust issues.

LARGE GROUPS (10+ PEOPLE)

It's nice that you guys posed for this,

but you're all going to die.

Pros:

        Feeling of security.

        Communal share of the work.

        Multiple choices of sexual partners...? (For procreation purposes only...)

Cons:

        Lack of actual security.

        Spread of illness/zombplague high.

There are many other pros & cons for all of the possibilities listed above. Be smart when you choose your co-survivors. And remember, aim for the head.

Also: Have tons of guns.

Aaaaaaaand follow the rules, fools!