Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Catching Up with the Mighty Ducks (Repost)

We all know and love Disney's Mighty Duck trilogy...even the third one. As luck would have it, I was able to catch up with each of the former Duck players. Unfortunately, I couldn't interview them all, but I can tell you what each and every one of them is doing today.

Gordon Bombay: Coach Gordon Bombay eventually went back to Ducksworth's law firm, where he was made full partner. After Ducksworth's retirement, Bombay took over, as the firm is now know as The Bombay Group.

Charlie Conway: Never got much farther than the minors in hockey. After a career-ending injury, he took over Hans's skate shop. Unfortunately, he soon realized that his business was failing, because nobody gives a shit about hockey anymore.

Greg Goldberg: Tried the Subway diet, but failed...miserably. He had the gastric-bypass surgery a few years back and is now in the best shape of his life. And, yeah, he finally moved back to Philly.

Lester Averman: Became a legitimate rabbi.

Jesse Hall: Is currently looking at legal options against Gordon Bombay for suing for duress dating back to being called part of the "Oreo Line."

Terry Hall: See above.

Peter Mark: Spent a few years in juvie, but problems stemming from this lead to a pretty hardcore drug habit. Nobody has seen him for more than thirteen years.

Dave Karp: Unfortunately pulled a Mama Cass and choked to death on a ham sandwich.

Guy Germaine: Finally married Connie after they got out of college. He is the proud owner of a chain of Waffle House style eateries.

Connie Moreau: She is married to Guy, and the proud parent of six kids. A stay at home mom, she is currently having a torrid affair with the milkman.

Tammy Duncan: Tammy never made it big in the pro figure skating world, but you can see her almost nightly at the Crazy Horse Gentleman's Club.

Tommy Duncan: Can be seen nightly at Disney on Ice (he's the Genie).

Adam Banks: He was picked up by the Anaheim Ducks after college. During the most recent strike, the team realized that he really wasn't worth the money they were spending on him. After being cut, he went into a deep depression, leading to severe alcoholism. He recently cleaned himself up and may in fact be teaching at your child's preschool.

Julie Gaffney: The former "Cat" quit hockey after high school. She is currently a chef and was featured on last season's "The Next Food Network Star." No...seriously. Check it out on IMDB.

Fulton Reed: Currently works at a Lady Footlocker.

Dean Portman: Is currently awaiting being sentenced on three counts of murder. Though he plead innocent, the footage of the crime is pretty darn convincing.

Dwayne Robertson: Owns a cattle ranch in East Bumblef*ck, Texas. Like you didn't see that coming.

Russ Tyler: Patented his "knuckle-puck" and sold the rights to a hockey equipment company. He is still living the high life off the royalties.

Luis Mendoza: It was found out that Luis was in the country illegally. He has been relocated to his home country of Cuba.

Ken Wu: Ken realized his true self and came out of the closet only a few weeks after the events depicted in D3. I mean, c'mon...he is a figure skater from San Fransisco.

So that's that. If you ever wondered what happened to the Ducks after the last of the credits rolled, now you know.

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