At this time of year, the internet is littered with list of the greatest Christmas movies. They usually contain the same, tired movies year after year, and It's a Wonderful Life is always number one. The problem that I have with (almost) all of these movies is that it's extraordinarily hard to enjoy any of those films in the miserable heat of mid-August.
Have no fear, though. With this list, you will be given ten movies that are chock full of the Christmas Spirit*, but aren't pigeonholed into only being able to enjoy it in the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I really don't want to think about what he does in the off-season.
* - By "Christmas Spirit," I mean there's at least one scene dealing with Christmas. Problem with that? Make your own list.
10. Boogie Nights
It's an awesome movie, but a young Heather Graham's the only reason you need to see it.
Now, I know that there is only a very (very) minor part of the film that deals with Christmas, but looking at the film's themes, one of the biggest is redemption.
And pornography. And cocaine.
All of these characters fall from grace, and they fall at terminal speeds. Yet, the film ends on a happy note for (almost) all of the characters...definitely not Little Bill, though.
Different Little Bill entirely.
And what, besides family and presents, is Christmas all about? Cookies. But other than that, it is also about the redemptive power of the Christmas Spirit. Look at the aforementioned It's a Wonderful Life: George's own existence is redeemed in his eyes. Also, I'm sure there's a scene on the cutting room floor where, right before he's given the business by George, Uncle Billy redeems himself for being a jagaloon who can't hold on to a hefty sum of money.
Also this is a real frame from the film.
9. Gremlins
Okay, so it's already kind of a Christmas movie. Shut up.
Gremlins is an often overlooked Christmas classic. It takes place around/on Christmas. Gizmo, the Mogwai, is a gift from father to son, so you get the whole family togetherness thing going on. You can even make the attempt to say that Mogwai-into-Gremlin experience is a harsh social commentary on the commercialization of Christmas and that getting the "perfect" gift isn't what it's cracked up to be (it isn't, at all, what the movie's about, but it is food for thought, btdubs). I know there's something else here too...
HOLY CRAP!
Mogwais are freaking Furbies!!!
I cannot believe I found this picture.
Maybe I was right about the whole gift giving conspiracy and Joe Dante, Steven Spielberg, and Chris Columbus are future seeing mystics...
OhMyGod it's going to happen!!!
8. In Bruges
Not quite the holiday spirit...
In Bruges is a criminally overlooked film. It's darkly funny, yet thought provoking, and, even with all of his flaws as a person, Colin Farrell is amazing (the excellent supporting cast doesn't hurt, either). Once again, just like It's a Wonderful Life, In Bruges is a tale of morality and redemption. Farrell's character, an assassin, spends the majority of the movie coping with a botched job, resulting in the death of a child.
Somebody is getting coal in his stocking...
Throughout the course of the film, Farrell tries to cope with his mistake, at one point attempting suicide. At the last moment, his mentor and partner intervenes, not unlike Clarence. I wouldn't say that the movie is a "feel good" kind of deal, but it is fantastic. I also find it hard not to imagine Jordan Prentice dressed as an elf.
I would respect you more as an actor if you didn't play a giant bag of weed...
7. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Thank you Christmas, and loose morals, for this outfit.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a metafictional detective/murder mystery comedy. It is also awesome. Taking place at Christmas in LA, it deals with a hilarious, yet convoluted plot dealing with mistaken identity and murder. Also, in the spirit of giving, Robert Downey Jr.'s character gives his thumb to some torturers.
He's that kind of a guy.
The whole Christmas setting isn't terribly important, but it is enough to get on this list. I'm also willing to bet that gay Val Kilmer might be the single greatest part of this movie.
I mean, he was Batman.
Speaking of Batman...
6. Batman Returns
And I got you the business end of this grappling gun, henchman.
Without a doubt, Batman Returns is easily the most terrifying of the Batman movies. I'm talking about pure terror, in the basest sense of the word, as opposed to the abject horror of Batman & Robin. Unlike Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, the setting of Christmas in this film is actually tied into the plot of the movie, so there definitely cannot be any argument on it's inclusion on this list.
Aaaaaaaaand some anachronistic lechery. But seriously, is Gotham in the '30's or late '80's?
Batman Returns features surprise gifts (aka goons in giant gift boxes), family reunions (The Penguin visiting his parents' grave), and the Ghost of Christmas Future...I mean Christopher Walken.
MERRY ChristMAS to. You and. YOUR FAMilY.*
* - Capitalization groups indicate inflection.
5. Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Your part got Ho-Ho-Hosed in this one.
Die Harder is the bastard stepchild of the Die Hard franchise, even if it is better than most action movies. For those of you that need a reminder, it takes place in Dulles airport on Christmas Eve, where Detective John McClane (formerly on the NYPD, now of the LAPD) is waiting for his wife's flight to land. Unfortunately, a mercenary team takes control of the airport, endangering the safety of the planes circling. This causes McClane to do what he does best: make sure that the terrorists die. Hard.
This movie is notoriously low on awesome one liners,
except for the "Just the fax, ma'am" line. Classic Willis.
Christmas themes explored: McClane only wants a jacket for Christmas. He also wants to make sure his family can celebrate the holiday together. Dulles Tower asks for the lights and communications to come back online. Colm Meaney would like a substantial role in a big budget Hollywood movie. And director Renny Harlin gives the ladies a little something-something, as well.
I'm talking about William Sadler's bare ass.
Oh, wait, one more thing...
John McClane loves giving his bullets to the bad guys.
4. Full Metal Jacket
True, the only reason this is on the list is because of a throwaway line from Gunny Hartman of "Today is Christmas," but, damn this movie is good. Set during the Vietnam War (oh, sorry, Vietnam Conflict), it's the tale of a young Marine's training and eventual lose of innocence. While the movie is often tragic, let's look at how this can be construed as a Christmas adjacent movie.
Are you kidding kid? You'll shoot your (expletive deleted) eye out.
Gunny Hartman can be considered Santa Clause. He's always watching, and you're always in fear that he will see you do something wrong. Anybody else notice that he is a very giving person, also? Hartman constantly gives nicknames to his recruits, not to mention KP Duty. He gladly doles out more miles to their runs, even when they don't ask for them. He's like the USMC's own Kris Kringle...if, you know, Santa was actually Satan...Ho. Lee. Crap.
"And a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
3. Step Brothers
Because it really is all about family.
Let me say this before anybody has any thoughts to the contrary: Step Brothers has not one, but two separate Christmas scenes. Suck those eggs. But I digress. At its core, Step Brothers is a film about the melding of two families into one not-so-happy-then-later-happy family.
Pictured: Brotherly Love.
The holidays are depressing for a lot of people, and Richard Jenkins's character is no different. When he sees the mess that is his new family, he feels that drinking his misery away is the only answer. "I'm going to the Cheesecake Factory." "But it's Christmas Eve." "Oh. Merry Christmas." is the exchange that precedes his departure.
This family portrait smells like scotch & cheesecake.
There's even the usual childish jealous between brothers, when Brennan cannot believe that "Dale got Hulk hands," and he did not. The film ends a year later, with the family reunited. It is a complete 180 from the previous year, where, not only is there no animosity, but there is genuine happiness between the family members.
If karaoke doesn't work out, they can be family therapists.
2. Lethal Weapon
"And no, I don't believe I will pay for this tree."
Lethal Weapon is the preeminent buddy cop film. You have Martin Riggs, who is psychotic & suicidal, and Roger Murtaugh, who is "getting too old for this shit." How can you lose?
"Okay, I'l pay for it. But I want you to knock $5 off of the price."
The film takes place around and on Christmas, and, like many of the films on this list, it is all about giving. Gary Busey is all about giving the crazy. Riggs wants a 9mm lobotomy. Riggs also wants to give Murtaugh a (series of) heart attacks. And, finally, Busey & Gibson give everybody one of the best, if not most unrealistic, knockdown dragout fights in film history.
Even the target can feel the Christmas joy.
1. Die Hard
After this picture, do I even need to explain?
I don't care what anybody says. Die Hard is not just the greatest Christmas Adjacent movie, but it's the greatest Christmas movie. Fact. I mean, it has everything you could want. There's family. Friends. Trees. Lights. A Christmas Party. The classic Run-D.M.C. song "Christmas in Hollis." Terrorists of some kind of European decent.
You're a mean one, Mr. Gruber.
And even though it's timeless like every great Christmas movie, it is also a product of its time. I mean, you rarely see somebody ripping lines of coke off of a desk during business hours (though you do see it more than you would think).
I'm torn between using "Hans. Buby." or "Yeah, it's a Rolex." Thanks for being you, Ellis.
Christmas is a time for giving, and that is just what these characters do. Hans & his terrorists want Nakatomi's vault to give them money. Argyle gives people sass. Powell gives John backup. Holly gives John a reason to keep going. And John...oh, John...he has so many things to give.
Mostly awesomeness and one-liners.
John wants to give his family a hug. He has a giant toy bear to give to his daughter Lucy. He gives Al back his courage. And he gives the terrorists bullets. So many, many bullets.
And then? Even more bullets.
So, basically, if Christmas is the season for giving, then Die Hard gives the most. Oh, I forgot one more thing McClane gives: he gives Gruber a long, long drop to his ultimate demise.
Rickman played Hans & Snape. This can't possibly be a coincidence...could it?
And with all this giving, there's only one thing John McClane wanted: a pair of shoes.
