Review: Prometheus

Clearly this is one of them feel-good movies.

Prometheus is the return to a universe that Ridley Scott created way back in 1979 with Alien (which is still the most terrifying film ever made. I defy you to find one scarier). The genesis of the film began years ago, with Scott & Aliens director James Cameron collaborating together to make a film that would probably have been described as a "pants-shittingly scary action-fest." Sadly, this never saw fruition as AVP: Alien vs Predator was green-lit instead, and what a colossal let down that was (at least they had Lance Henriksen playing Charles Bishop Weyland as a nod to the fans). Scott refined the original idea he had been working on and thus Prometheus was born.

If you're looking for a film full of rapey dick-aliens, sorry, brah.

So, it'd be easy to say that Prometheus is a prequel to Alien, then, right? Well... I mean, it is set in the same universe as the Alien series (but so is the Predator series, as well as Joss Whedon's Firefly and Angel, which also means Buffy is in the same universe, and so on & so forth). Also, it takes place between 2089-2093, which means that it also takes place before Alien. So it HAS to be a prequel. Yeah, but not really. It's complicated. Let's just say that the films are so closely related, and while watching one adds so much more substance to the other, they are more than able to stand on their own as separate film series (serieses? serisess? seri? I just don't know any more).

It should be known that this image is integral to both.

Long story short, Prometheus is the "God question." Not only does the Greek story of the Titan Prometheus lend it's name to the film, as well as the ship, but the story itself. Prometheus was the being that created and championed mankind, only to be punished for his transgressions. A lone figure standing against the gods. And THAT, gentle readers, is the closest I'm coming to a plot summary for the movie. It should also be stated that the ever amazing Michael Fassbender played the android David 8 with amazing grace, poise, and child-like wonder. [POSSIBLE MINOR SPOILER, BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE A SLIGHT MORON] Yes, the Alien franchise staple of androids full of milk-blood is included. [END SPOILER] I've even created a mathematical equation to explain David 8's personality:

Take Ash from Alien (minus the homicidal personality)

  PLUS

 ST:TNG's Data's wonderment

PLUS

Bishop from Aliens's Loyalty

 EQUALS

This handsome son of a bitch.

And now, the numbers:

Film: 4.5 out of 5 Stars
Suspensefulness: 4 out of 5 Butts on the Edges of Seats

Grandeur: 12 out of 5 Glowing Fassbender Smiles

I wish that my hair will one day be as immaculate as his.

NOTE: If you're looking for a pants-crappingly terrifying film on the same lines as Alien, you're SOL, this ain't it. If you want to see a breathtakingly beautiful & expansive science fiction tale that will keep you in suspense, this does happen to fit the bill. I suggest you see it in IMAX & (Flying Spaghetti Monster, forgive me) 3D. Yeah...I just advocated 3D.