New Year's Eve - An Honest Review by a Man Who'll Never See It

New Years...wait a sec...

Wait, that's totally not it.

Way, way different & original.

Why did they make this movie? Seriously, what's the want for it? I'll tell you what it is: (mostly) famous, (mostly) pretty people being angsty about finding love or what have you on New Years Eve. Also, according to the trailer, at least one baby is born. Do you know how awesome that sounds? Not awesome. It sounds so not awesome. "What does it sound like then?" you may ask. Crap. Pure, unadulterated crap, with a healthy helping of more crap on the side. If you go and spend your hard earned money on this, especially in this economy, you will reside in a very specific region of Hell. One where you have to keep watching New Years Eve, over and over again. For crying out loud, one BBC review cited it to be the "worst movie ever put on film." And this is in a world where they made Manos: The Hands of Fate (and it's currently getting a sequel).

Biggest Travesty (Tie):

First, that this man was in it:

What happened to you, Robert?

Robert DeNiro used to be a legitimate actor. What the Hell happened? Seriously, was he that brazen with his spending that he just takes any job he can get nowadays? Killer Elite was dope, at least.

The other was that this guy was in it:

"Slaughter" was this man's personal theme!

Til Schweiger is best known for being the super-badass destroyer of Nazi balls Hugo Stiglitz in Inglourious Basterds. Well, "was" known. Now, there's a chance that he'll be known for having lady parts. No offense. Well, a little offense. It's a free country.

So basically, I'm saying that I just cannot endorse anybody to go out and see this turd of a movie. Well, alleged movie. What the Hell happened to you, Garry Marshall?