Monday, October 10, 2011

31 Movies of Halloween 2011: Day 8 - 10 (aka The Columbus Day Spectacular!!!)

Day 8 - Chopping Mall
The best part of horror posters are the puns.

Chopping Mall is the story of technology running amok in a police station. Psyche nah. It's in a mall. So, anyways, the story goes that a mall buys three new security robots (along with a new security system, natch) to make sure that they are the safest mall in the country. Maybe? Who cares? Anyway, this being the movies, of course something goes wrong, messing up the computer running the whole operation & the machines start killing the Hell out of everybody. Until they (the robots) all get destroyed, because this is Hollywood. And a ragtag group of horny teens/twenty-somethings can destroy killer robots.
Janitors aren't so lucky, though.

Best Part:
The time that this chick's head gets blown up by a laser.
Here's the chick. Do you see the laser?
It makes her head do this.



Day 9 - Blades
If it's Troma, it must be good!

Blades is the story of technology running amok at a golf course. And by technology, I mean a big lawn mower. Now, it takes place leading up to and during a golf tournament. People go missing & are found mutilated. The police are comically inept. The whole damn thing is camptastic & absurd, but that's the drawing power of the movie. It sure isn't the story. Or the acting.
And don't let this picture fool you: there're no ghouls in it.

Best Part:
All the murder has taken place off screen (for obvious budgetary reasons), so you have to wait until the end to get a glimpse of the piece of unholy machinery that has been causing this wacky hi-jinx (or brutal murder, whichevs) all film long.
Yes, those are balloons with smiley faces on them.

You'll have to watch it to see how humanity prevails over this...devious...evil...lawnmower.




Day 10 - Severed: Forest of the Dead
Look into the gaping maw of doom!

Severed: Forest of the Dead is the story of technology running amok at a logging camp...no? It's not? Zombies, you say? Oh, well then...So, Severed is a zombie movie taking place in the nondescript Pacific Northwest. Accidents happen, which accidents tend to do, and all of the sudden, a logging issue begat a zombie outbreak. Ho hum. Anyway, it centers on a group of loggers & the tree-huggers that are protesting them that have to band together and escape, or become zombie food. Also, because logging corporations are evil (and apparently have science departments...I can't confirm or deny that, I'm no Timber Baron), it turns out that a genetically mutated sap that they've been introducing to the trees to yield higher profit margins is te flashpoint of the outbreak.
Lumberjacks? More like lumberjerks.

Best Part:
The actor that played Billy Keikeya, President Roslin's aide-de-camp, in the reimagined Battlestar Galactica (Paul Campbell) is the star of the movie. And I think that's nifty.
"Man, I thought those Toasters were bad news..."

No comments:

Post a Comment